New Moon Fail

We've covered what we loved most and now it is time to dissect that which had major suckage. For me it wasn't so much a scene as it was the performance of Robert Pattinson *takes a deep breath preparing for the onslaught of hate mail*

First of all, why was Edward dressed like an old man? And where was the pea coat? @Little_Edward's pea coat does NOT come off! *takes a deep calming breath* And another thing: In the book Edward was actually a lighthearted (for him, anyway) prior to the birthday party! So explain to me why RPattz played Edward to look like he took a dump and forgot to wear his Depends undergarments to school? Y'all say Jasper looks constipated? Well I call that the look of intense pain and discomfort caused by having a near constant and burning desire to drain all of Forks High School. So, tell me, what's Edward's excuse for looking like he ate bad cheese?




Yes, can we talk about Edward's outfit for a minute? Grey pants and brown wing tips? I understand that he's 109 years old, but does he have to be dressed that way?

And, here is something that has bothered me each time I've seen the movie. What is up with the motorcycle dude? Are there really gangs of motorcycle dudes hanging out waiting for randoms to jump on the back of their bikes? When he says, "What's that sugar (or baby, or sweet-tits, or whatever he says)?" and then decides he doesn't care what she said, and drives off, I was so confused! Who does that?

And, finally, *laces up running shoes* I did not like Aro's maniacal laugh. *runs away, fast*




*sprints after Rain, laughing maniacally*









Things I didn't like:

Jacob with his shirt on.
Elasti-Sam cliff-diving.
Stupid shiny charcoal Volvo
Emo-pansy Edward
Edward's phone call that interrupts Jacob and Bella's kiss
Edward with his shirt off and freaky left nipple
Edward returns to Forks
Bella chooses Edward over Jacob




**ignoring Ginger** I agree I wasn't crazy about any of the parts you guys (except for Ginger) discussed. I mean, Edward's wardrobe was EPIC FAIL. We all know that.

What about Bella's forest breakdown? Where was the drama? Sure, stumbled around calling his name like Simba calling for Mufasa in The Lion King and yes that was sad. But where were the hysterics afterward? She really didn't look THAT different in her catatonic state than she did any other day.

What about the phone call from Rose to Edward? I realize it was an outtake but it was a damn good one.

Also, I hated how all of the Cullens seemed like an afterthought in this movie. Where was the discussion on the plane between Alice and Bella? In fact, where was ANY discussion on the plane? Was it too hard to pay for an interior plane shot so we could see Bella and Edward reconnecting? And really, VIRGIN Atlantic? *snicker*

New Moon: Scene It!

Okay, so you know how you have a favorite moment (or two) from Twilight? Yes, you do. Personally, I love the baseball scene and the cafeteria scene where we see Edward Cullen for the first time. *cue goofy school-girl grin*

So I was thinking about New Moon and I have to say that my first favorite scene is where Edward pulls into the parking lot and saunters over to Bella (again cue the goofy school-girl grin). Although why he has to park like an arse and take up two spots is beyond me. My second favorite scene is the Victoria chase scene. It is so visually dynamic and the music compliments it perfectly. And, Victoria? She is amazing. My #girlcrush was pretty much solidified during that scene.

So girls, what are your favorites?




it should surprise no one that one of my favorite scenes was when Jasper tried to attack Bella. I just love how it was all choreographed and how he fought his way through Emmett and Carlisle's hold, focused only on the scent of Bella's blood. The look in his eyes, the bloodthirst... *fans self, takes a deep breath and looks for a piece of paper to cut myself with*

The Volturi Court - Aro with that maniacal laugh and his soft yet cold voice and the fight between Edward and Felix that was so freaking epic. I was so transfixed by the entire scene, I actually found myself rooting for ... *looks around, sees the threatening eyes of our readers, gulps hard...* Ummm, yeah, moving on...

Finally it was a series of moments strung together that punched me in the gut: October, November, December: the face of the broken and lost ... Bella screaming mournfully in bed ... her night terrors as Charlie tried in vain to comfort her. Bella's insurmountable pain and suffering was so well portrayed, I was both compelled to watch even as I found it emotionally draining and overwhelming to do so.




My favorite parts:
Jacob shirtless
Jacob shirtless in the rain
Jacob moving in to kiss Bella twice
Any scene with Jacob in it after he loses the wig.
All of the wolves scenes, especially those with Jacowolf.
Edward leaving Bella
Jasper almost killing Bella
Face Punch movie (especially the Wilhelm Scream they threw in)
Jacob standing in the road, forcing Edward to stop the car.
Aro's maniacal laugh. I think I'll use it as a ringtone.






Rain, I have to agree with you that the Victoria chase scene was hard-freakin'-core. I loved it. I kinda want the Victoria stand-up now. Can you imagine coming out to your living room in the morning and seeing her crouched and ready to pounce on you? Mmm... #Ihaveagirlcrushtoo

And don't even get me started on Aro. I think he was amazing. I think I'm going to put the creepy Aro laugh as my "you've got mail" notification sound. He was EPIC!

But, seeing as how I'm totally Team Edward, my favorite scene is the post-party kiss. I loved how anguished he seemed. What can I say? I'm a sucker for Emoward. Especially if it ends with a hot grunt. Oh, that grunt... Okay, screw Aro's laugh, the grunt is going to be my "you've got mail" notification. And my "you're starting your computer" notification. And my "someone signed on to AIM" notification. And my... Well, you get the point.




I see many cold showers and unanswered messages in your future.








Uuuuuuuhhhh... Spank, would you mind emailing me about 10 more times? NOW? Kthxbai.

Letters to Alice by Meadow Cliffdiver

So, one of the things in the movie that I LIKED but feel the need to mock is the whole "Emails to Alice" bit. While I think it was a nice narrative move to help us understand Bella's thoughts, it's so freakin' desperate and sad. Why didn't she just start a LiveJournal like every other depressed teenager? Or, at the very least, why didn't she actually VENT instead of just saying "Alice, I miss you. I miss Edward. I'm staring at kids walking outside my window and thinking about how sad I am." Here are some emails I would have liked to have seen instead:



Dear Alice, today I made out with Mike Newton. Yup. That one. Tell your brother that tongue is the way to go. Bastard.


Dear Alice, I'm thinking of wearing stripes and polka dots. Together. In clashing colors. Just thought you should know.


Dear Alice, my new boyfriend Jacob is always walking around without a shirt. It's really hot. Much better than all that "sparkles-in-the-sun" bullshit.


Dear Alice, I'm considering going goth. I've dyed my hair, painted my nails black, and I found this really great website to order a coffin to sleep in at night. I giggle myself to sleep at the irony.


Dear Alice, since you can see the future, why didn't you see me getting that stupid papercut? Also, what did you wrap that box with? Aluminum foil with decorative razor-blade edges? Thanks for nothing.


Dear Alice, I just thought that you should know that I'm dropping out of school and becoming a groupie. I've decided to follow the band Phish around the country, smoking pot and sleeping with random sound check guys. How's THAT for a distraction?


Dear Alice, F*CK YOU.


Dear Alice, I'm taking Jacob to prom this year. I'll be wearing a hoodie and converse and telling everyone you gave me the outfit. Everyone but Jacob. I'm telling him you sent me the thong. Bwahahaha.


Dear Alice, I'm writing a book about the love that your brother and I shared before he threw it away. I'm calling it "Twilight." The subtitle is "Vampires Have Tiny Dicks." I've already got a publisher. Tell Edward he can have a signed copy.

Nipplegate

I hate to even bring it up, but we must. We must discuss The Nipple. I love Rob and think he is one of the sexiest men ever created. But, that nipple! When he took off his shirt, there were audible "ewws" in the theater audience. That should NOT happen when Robward takes off his shirt. There is no way that Rob's nipple is so wonky in real life. So, I, for one, am going to blame Strange Nipple on Suckmit. Kind of like the bad wigs.




What exactly are you implying, Rain? *raised eyebrow, holding baseball bat*







I was talking about Rosalie and Jacob! Who did u think I was talking about? *innocent smile*







Yes we noticed the nipple right away. Even Mr. Ginger noticed the nipple. As soon as we walked out of the theater he said, "What happen to Rob's left nipple? It looks like someone hooked up a jumper cable to it!" We figured it was either a love bite or some freakishly large areola. Wait, is it called an areola on a guy?




*snicker* Apparently Summit thinks that the NIPPLE was the place that Carlisle chose to change him. I mean, it makes perfect sense to me. Carlisle was lonely, he wanted companionship, and Robward has an amazingly attractive ass chest. It's not weird at all. *shakes head yes*




I did not notice the nipple. I did notice the lack of chemistry between Edward and Bella. And I wondered why Rob thinks that Edward must always look like he is tortured, has something in his eye and drank bad milk. But enough about that, let's talk about Jasper... *grin*





Seriously - lack of chemistry? I didn't notice that. Maybe I was blinded by The Nipple.






Since twitter was all abuzz, our reader @twiljediknight pointed this out: "People are saying his nipple was CGI'd to simulate a vampire bite??? Seriously??? What the HALE is wrong with Suckmit?? Who the hell bit him there? Is there something we don't know about his time with the Denali clan?? Something SMeyer left out?" So Meadow did some research, and by "research" we mean "googled 'New Moon Nipple' and found Robsessed had screencapped and investigated"



source: Robsessed

Junior League: Camp Twilight

This week's Junior League Member is: TwilJediKnight


Superpower: Luring ordinary women into Twilight obsessions through the use of gratuitous pictures of Rob Pattinson as Edward Cullen.



Do you think it was a conscious decision on the part of Chris Weitz to incorporate some cheesy, campy fun into New Moon to keep the continuity with Twilight? Because Chris Weitz just doesn't seem the type to do cheesy, campy fun on his own free will. He is like, a real director or something.


Which leads me to my second question: Didn't you feel, overall, that the actors felt better directed in this one? That they had real direction to work and seemed much better this time around with as opposed to Twilight where it was every man for themselves? Not hating on Catherine Hardwicke. But she is pretty laid back, one of the kids, do what ever as long as it has a blue aura. And I think that shows in both the overall mood and style of Twilight and the actors themselves.




I love cheese. Cheese makes everything better. Ok maybe not chocolate cake, but I digress. As far as the direction, I think Peter Facinelli said it best when he compared both movies, saying Twilight was done like an Independent Film, while New Moon was done like a box office hit. Plus Catherine Hardwicke has a case of severe ADD. Drove Mr. G nuts when he was working with her.




I personally loved the cheese bits, and since I now believe that Chris Weitz is a demi-god, I'm going to say he kept them in for continuity. And to give us something to talk about until June 30th, 2010. But I definitely feel the actor's performances were partly a result of better direction. They all seemed so much more comfortable in their roles - but that could be a result of them being more comfortable with each other? So maybe it is a combination of both.




Twilight was camp, especially when compared to New Moon. I think direction had a lot to do with it. I also think the actors are more comfortable with their characters. However, we have plenty of funnies to keep me going. I am already working "what a marshmallow" into daily conversation and who among us isn't going to think of flying pizza the next time we're at the mechanics?




Or how about Jessica Stanley's "My cousin had leprosy and it wasn't funny at all." Still trying to figure out how to work that one into conversations.






Well, seeing as how I JUST SAW NEW MOON and am still high on Cherry Coke and Edward, I have lots of thoughts about all of this. (Hey, Jr Leager, you asked. You have no one to blame for my outburst by yourself.) I'd like to make the following disclaimer: I adored New Moon. Seriously. It was wonderful. It was pretty, and sad, and hopeful, and suspenseful, and it had Edward in it. Are we good? 'K. Because you only TRULY mock the ones you love... *wink*

I'm with Rain. I think that the campiness was a purposeful inclusion on Weitz's part because I've decided that he can do no wrong. Except for allowing a blind wig-maker free reign on the set. But even that I'm going to forgive. What other POSSIBLE explanation is there for Alice's "Bella is a vampire" vision? It HAD to be camp. Unless she was envisioning 5,000 years in the future, during which time the machines had risen, been destroyed, and mankind reset itself without technology. In that case the fact that their clothes looked like they were hand-sewn prior to the industrial revolution would've been a statement about our reliance on technology. But without technology we wouldn't have movies and he wouldn't have a job. So, like I said: camp.

As for the humor, I LOVED the humor in this movie. I mean, Eric crying at Romeo and Juliet? Priceless. Virgin Airlines? Even more priceless. Although, sad. I mean, come on. They can give Jasper a wig that makes him look like he's been playing with forks near an electrical socket but they can't alter the script a teensy-weensy bit and have Bella hook up with Jacob for revenge-sex? Pfft.




*sets out on foot to find the wig-maker for New Moon to personally annihilate her for my having to defend the dishonor of Jasper's hair*

Tranny Travesty

Oh no no no. OH HALE NO! Since when did they decide to make a tranny Jacob doll?







*laughs hysterically* Look! Jacob's a "bitch."








*Throws my Jacob candle at Spank*








I don't know, Jacob's not THAT bad. I think it's the angle. And the fact that they obviously used a female body. *snicker* I'm more concerned with why Bella looks like Naomi Judd here. Does she come with a pull string that plays "Why Not Me"?





Why does Edward's hair look like he stuck his cold marble finger in the socket?







I'm sorry, I'm still trying to get past the fact that there is a magazine called, "Fashion Doll Quarterly." *ewww face*







What? I have a subscription to that magazine. But not really.

Full Moon Review (Spoiler Alert)

okay, without giving away any spoilers...New Moon is PERFECT! Loved loved loved it.
My thoughts:
The cast - especially rob, kristen, and Taylor- seemed so much more comfortable in their roles and i loved seeing that.

Special effects- YES! That, my friends, is what a vampire looks like when he, or she, runs. And the wolves- I was not disappointed one bit.

Overall, they did an amazing job of cominicating hurt and loss, while at the same time throwing in those offbeat, laughable moments that Twilight had. Those monents were just at the right time in this movie.

Billy Burke rocked it once again #teamcharlie and I was blown away by Taylor's performance. And, oh my Robward! I could go on and on but let's just say I can't wait to go again in eight hours! My one complaint? Kemmet only had three lines. Or four If you count standing there and looking fierce, which I do.

Oh and Spank, *through gritted teeth* Jasper's hair didn't look bad at all. I was so wrong about that. #cantwaittileclipse




Spank and @SweetLikeSandi flew in to see the movie with myself, @lelu2, Barb (who's not on twitter but should be) and @Anime81. We had the time of our lives. Here's my bullet points.

Eric Yorkie was crying at the Romeo and Juliet movie totally moved me.

What kind of weird ass leap over the stair railing was that of Alice's?

Not sure why Victoria rubbed mud on her face a la Buffy (or Arnold in Predator). Not sure how effective that is in camouflaging her with her fluorescent red hair.

Anyone else think Bella and Carlisle were going to kiss, when he was sewing her arm up and her hand was on his waste?

Love how Alice's inactive email address was a Mac address. Oh yes, I notice these things.

Jessica Stanley totally rocked. "My cousin had leprosy and that wasn't very funny."

Once again, I want Charlie to be my dad. Please, Charlie? How do you feel about adopting a 35 year old mother of three?

Ok, what the hell was that when Bella threw Jake a piece of pizza and it turned into a tool for his bike? Is it a magical piece of pizza? Good thing he didn't try to take a bite of it. Would've broken his teeth for sure.

Oh the irony that Bella was flying Virgin Airlines.

What was up with Bella's bruises all over her arms? Don't they have makeup for hiding that sort of thing?

Aro's maniacal laugh was a total WIN.

Aro and Marcus' sister was pretty hot. Just saying.

Ok but the best part of course is Jacob and his body with the muscles in all the right places.

However, on the way home from the movie we had even more excitement when the cops pulled us over. They shined their flashlights into our vehicle and gave @SweetLikeSandi a sobriety test. She explained that she's from out of state, tired and didn't know the roads here. The cop responded, "I'm pretty sure that anywhere you go in the U.S. you're only supposed to drive in one lane." LMAO! The cop outside the passenger side was talking to Barb. When she told him we were coming back from a movie, he asked if we saw New Moon. Barb asked him if he read the books and he said, "No, he'd rather see the movies." Oh and did I mention how HAWT the cops were? We of course #livetweeted the pullover.




I am too tired to give a review. I have been up for 25 hours and I. Need. Sleep. I will say that Chris Weitz is a genius. Everything about this franchise was elevated in a great way. Aro was amazing. I think he's my new favorite anti-hero. The vote was anticlimactic and I am disappointed in that because it was such an important part of the story for me. One more thing. The break-up scene did NOT make me go fetal, but seeing Bella's mourning the loss of Edward almost did. Kristen Stewart nailed the face of what feels like insurmountable loss. I would write more but my eyes are going to bleed and, well, I don't want to tempt any vampires walking through the valley, moving west down Ventura Boulevard.