Double the Pleasure

Nils Allen "Boo Boo" Stewart Jr. (no relation to Kristen Stewart) has confirmed that he is signed on to play Seth Clearwater for THREE movies which seems to indicate that Breaking Dawn will be split into two films. I think this is good because now they have plenty of time film Isle Esme in slow-mo.






Wait, I'm sorry, did you say "Boo Boo"?

Dude... that is so cool. He's got the same name I call my cat.










That's great, but he's a dog.

Here's how it plays out: In the woods, Jacob, Seth and Leah are doing whatever the stupid book says to protect the Cullen house. Meanwhile, Yogi and Boo Boo are trying to have a pic-a-nic to get away from the Forest Ranger who is hunting them back to the reserve. But Jacob appears and is upset about the pic-a-nic. Jacob is worried that Yogi and Boo-Boo will attract attention from the Volturi and the others, but Boo-Boo earns Jacob's trust and Jacob makes Boo-Boo a pack member. Boo-Boo's new post is to stand guard at the steps of the Cullen house. Sadly, Boo-Boo got distracted while keeping watch by a chipmunk and was instantly killed by an unknown creature.

Someone has given this a lot of thought... and somehow Boo-Boo has managed to hijack the thought process of hot blooded ovulating women from BREAKING DAWN BEING MADE INTO TWO MOVIES!

Breaking the Bank or Breaking Dawn?

Why on earth is there talk of making Breaking Dawn THREE movies. Isn't two enough? Didn't they manage to go from "Hello my name is Edward Cullen" to declaration of love in what seemed like 60 seconds. Given that, how long is it actually going to take for them to get married, have fade to black sex, birth a demon child and have the showdown nodown with the Volturi?

And, please, can you imagine an entire movie told from Jacob's perspective? *wrinkling nose*

Oh holy hell. Jacob having an entire movie?! Now that's one movie I don't have to watch.

After a little thought, I agree to the three movie deal if this is how it plays out:

1. The wedding
2. Isle Esme
3. Isle Esme part II, "The League Cut"

Melissa Lame-ass Rosenberg

Our special correspondent Haleygolightly sent us this news item that dashes ice cold water on our hopes for Isle Esme and expresses her views on this potentially damaging situation. Haley, back to you:

Anonymous Friend Haley: Rosenberg says you can’t have a Twilight movie with anything more adult than a PG-13 rating. She has yet to be hired to write the script for the fourth, Breaking Dawn, but she thinks it’s safe to assume the book’s more graphic violent scenes will be tailored to keep it accessible for Twilight’s teen moviegoing audience.“Our fans are in the PG age range, and I don’t feel a big necessity to see violence, and to see gore,” Rosenberg said. “I don’t need to see that. This whole series is more about their relationship. It’s not about the gore. I mean, there are some scary and special elements to it, but the series is really about relationships and coming of age and owning one’s power.”

So this basically means that if they hire Miss Rosenberg again for Breaking Dawn, we can say goodbye to any hopes of a less than fade-to-black experience. Not shocking, but quite disappointing. And if they think they have their hands full with gore and sex, wait 'til the casting call goes out for Jacob's love interest/half-breed spawn: 'Looking for toddler that is expressive, can pretend to read minds, grows at an alarming rate, and is comfortable around incredibly attractive British men. Must be better than the average child and 420 friendly.'

LAME!

Thanks for ruining my f*cking day!

*closes eyes, takes deep breaths and counts to 10 so as to not phase* So... what... we get Hannah Montana *breathe* meets Joe Jonas *take Xanax* in middle school *apply cold compress* where they kiss on the cheek *gag* and live happily ever after *$%#@$$@@$!!* <-- (PG version of what I REALLY think). Well, Miss PG-13, you're gonna see who the real audience of this franchise is if you DARE give us anything less than an NC-17 Isle Esme with an an unrated version on DVD (to be sold by *adult* retailers nationwide).

*rolling my eyes* What part of "vampire love story" screams family-friendly in the first place? Did she read some Disney version of Twilight where vampires get sustenance by eating spinach or something? I bet in her version of Isle Esme they'll consummate their relationship by holding hands on the beach and then the stork will bring Renesmee.

Yeah, BIG mistake if they think their bread and butter is PG'ers.Do you think we could start a fund to hire RP to play the role in some of the fanfic stuff we've been reading? Now THAT would be worth millions, and millions would pay to see it!

That sucks BALLS. Can we start a "Boycott Rosenberg" group? PG my ass! Let's hope they have an "unrated" version of the movie for us to watch later.

I volunteer to write the script instead. I'd have to work closely with Rob during the rewrite process. I mean, I respect him so much as an actor that I'd want to get his, um, input.

Or, we can kidnap ask Rob for a private unrated performance of the honeymoon scene for The League. He can do it in four takes.

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things...

Inspired by our trip to LA when we sang Do-A-Deer in the car from The Sound of Music...

-when the vamp bites
-when the venom stings
-when I'm feeling sad
-I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel, so bad.

What are you're favorite thing about the series, book, scenes, chapters?

Uh, maybe you should mention we were DRUNK when we were singing "Do-A-Deer". We don't want to give our readers the wrong idea, you know. I'd have to say Buttcrack Santa. Where would we be without Buttcrack Santa?

I must be drunk right now because all I see when I look at that title is "DO a deer." As in, have carnal knowledge of a deer. And I may have read a lot of kinky fanfics but nothing that comes close to that.

You actually call that inebriated spectacle on the 405 singing? *raised eyebrow* ... and let's continue: My favorite part of the entire series is in Eclipse when Bella punches that worthless dog in the face. I kid, I kid! Actually, it is and always has been the chapter The Vote in New Moon. You hear that Melissa Rosenberg? Don't F it up. *pitchfork in hand*

Wake up Spank, you know how that scene ends up playing out...

REWRITE!

Okay, my favorite scene is the part in Eclipse in the Meadow when Edward realizes that Bella only wants to please those around her. The line "I love you. I want you. Right now" just makes me weak and tingly. **drifting off to fanfic-inspired dreams of Edward**

Wait! How could I forget? My favorite part is when Jasper tries to kill Bella in New Moon. He was SO close. Stupid moral vampires.

Or how about when James almost kills Bella? But I can't quite tell when the vampire venom is working on her... is she in pain or is she having a good time? *wink*

All time favorite in the series... Isle Esme. All time favorite for Twilight, movie, when Bella walks past Edward after she's figured it out and he follows her up the meadow (thatwasn'treallyameadow) ... delicious!

Ah... yes... Isle Esme and the presumed sex that we never get to read about. That chapter should come with a warning that reading it without first taking Xanax is hazardous for your health. By the time you get to the monster's birth the warning should include blood pressure medication and something to punch. Yes, Breaking Dawn... *good times*

And speaking of a few of our favorite things...
Summit FINALLY released the official New Moon poster!
(thanks to @katarinasmama for this)

Paris Falls

We've discussed before that the big non-showdown in Breaking Dawn was more of a big let-down. I like warm fuzzies as much as the next gal but I missed the drama of a real battle. In the fight between Good and Evil in literature good normally wins, but that win usually has a cost. So, who's life in the series would you have been willing to part with as part of that cost without hating Stephenie Meyer?

Rosalie.

Great question, I've given this a ton of thought (half a second): BELLA!

Oh, that's brilliant, Spider! Can we add Jacob and Renesmee to the casualties?

Leave it to you guys to take a serious discussion and taint it. *rolling my eyes* I'm going to go there and say this: I would've understood if either Bella or Edward died. Especially in the quest to save their child. Now, before you hate me, let me say that I will forever love SM with a deep passion because she let them live and let it be a happy ending. But there is something profound in the need to protect your children, and I could have lived with that conclusion.

If Edward died in the battle, it would've ruined the WHOLE series. Instead of forming a Twilight blog with my three best friends, I would've devoted all my free time to sending Stephenie Meyer hate mail. But since he lived, here I am. Proud member of The League.

Edward CAN NEVER DIE. I agree with you, Ginger. Bella or Renesmee I could easily live without. I also could have lived without all the high school kids and Mr. "Golden Onion dude."

But I LOVED the Mr. Golden Onion dude! He shares my heart with Buttcrack Santa.

Rosalie dying to protect Bella and/or Renesmee during the non-battle would have been a great opportunity for Stephenie Meyer to turn a character with no redeeming characteristics into a hero. Of course, I would not have shed a tear if Jacob had been "put to sleep" like any other worthless dog that has lived long enough.