Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Junior League: Purple Reign

This week's Junior League Member is: Susan Fox - @susanfox

Superhero Name: Vixen

Superpower: Sarcasm, Harnessing the powers of Xanax

What's up with all the purple representation in the Twilight movie?

Oh really? I didn't notice.

*rolling eyes at Ginger* Whatever Ginger. I'm surprised you didn't start this one yourself.


But, to be all academic about it, purple symbolizes nobility and riches. It is also a color that can represent the spiritual or mystical, along with sensuality. So... I'm going out on a limb here to say that Catherine Hardwicke may have been a little New-Agey and thought the color might help strengthen the idea of the supernatural within the story. Oh boy, I just flashed back to my grad-school days studying media. Nevermind. Purple is just cool and that's why they used it.

*raising eyebrow* When did let Ms. Ph.D over there in the League? I just figured it played nicely off of the lipstick they had on Rob. *wink*

I noticed this also, purple is everywhere, along with other similar shades of blues, greys and cool greens. My guess is that they wanted to play up the dismal weather and using a cool color palette added to the background perfectly. See, here I go, talking all interior designer again! Hues, tones, palettes - who cares, the most important colors I saw were the white marble gorgeous man and his lucious red lips. He invited, I accepted...

Purple makes me think of grapes. I hate grapes. But purple also makes me think of Donny Osmond and I love him. Wait?! What was the question?

Okay, but seriously - Spank - purple and Donny Osmond?

Donny Osmond's favorite color is purple. Is this not common knowledge? *Looks around the room incredulously*

I really need some of Spank's meds.

Me too!


Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Don't be Reckless Bella...

It recently occurred to me that what I consider to be "reckless and stupid" is really not on par with Stephenie Meyer on a few levels

1. Learning how to drive a motorcycle is not exactly the end of the world.

2. Saying "hi" to some guys on the street? I'm starting to think that Stephenie Meyer could be called sexist and rude to use that as reckless and stupid.

3. Cliff diving - you have to let that one pass, right? That IS crazy shit.

When Bella promised Edward not to do anything "reckless or stupid" I have to think that even with Edward's annoying and retarded protectiveness for Kristen Bella would have preferred Meyer be a little more creative with what constitutes reckless behavior. I think Stephenie Meyer jumped the shark on this. So one has to ask: does Stephenie Meyer REALLY know Edward?

Does ANYONE really know Edward? I mean, it's not like we can read his mind or anything.

Well, I'm sure Stephenie Meyer didn't want to sully virginal (if horny) Bella by having her become a crack whore.

Is that a subtle dig at my Crackberry addiction? Because if so, I admit it. I am a crack whore. I can't get enough of it.

I'm kind of surprised Edward let Bella walk down the Cullen stairs in heels. Isn't that reckless for someone like Bella?

Well she couldn't manage to unwrap a present without getting a papercut in a room full of vampires. Jasper should have seriously drained her just for being that stupid.

*snicker* Other activities that could be considered "reckless and stupid" for someone like Bella:
1. Crossing the street. (After all, there are reckless motorcycle drivers around.)
2. Clipping coupons. (She could get a cut that could get infected.)
3. Showering. (What if she slipped and cracked her head open?)

I always hated how overprotective Edward was. I'm sure it's nice to have someone worry and take care of you, but after a while it just gets annoying! Especially when he worries about every little freaking thing.

He was a bit of a chick, wasn't he? Why do we love him again?

Well, if we were going to have her do something that EDWARD would consider reckless and stupid then she should've slept with Jacob. *wicked grin*


Sunday, September 27, 2009

Sultry Bloody Sunday: Vampire Diaries

Since I'm the ONLY League member watching Vampire Diaries, I feel it my duty to expose the rest of you to these very sexy, and oh so sultry vampires... Girls, I give you Damon (the one with the eyes) and Stefan.

Dammit! Why do these shows have such hot guys? Why? I don't NEED another Vampire-related obsession. **watches again** DAMN YOU RAIN! *grumbling* Now I have to go set my DVR to record freakin' VAMPIRE DIARIES. The things I do for sexual gratification The League.

Wowzer! Great way to start the day. I didn't even blink! Awesome. Okay, when's the show on again... I def. need to see it! Rain this little video that you did inspired me to watch an entire episode on my computer! It's like 90210 w/vampires! So fun!

Ooh. Oh my... What was that? *feels around self* I think I just hit my sexual peak.

Great job making the video, Rain! They look like they're seventeen. I wonder how long they've been seventeen.


Saturday, September 26, 2009

Storytime BY Meadow: Surprising Alice, a Twilight fanfic

For a while now you have been reading Meadow's fanfiction reviews. Well, ladies and gentle viewers, this is a special treat. For today, we are reviewing the fanfic that MEADOW WROTE. Oh yes. This is a one-shot fanfic that non-fanfic readers like myself can enjoy along with fanfic afficionados. The premise is that Jasper finds a way to surprise Alice with a gift that she won't see coming. Edward and Jacob tag along with him. And there are a couple of characters roughly based on a couple of League members. See if you can pick them out.

Surprising Alice, a Twilight fanfic - FanFiction.Net

Loved it! I mean it! Meadow - you rock out loud. And, wowza sister - you didn't warn me that I'd have to have Mr. Rain on standby for that! Good thing he was...

(Are your eyes bleeding yet?

ARE you kidding me??? This is just so fantastic, for a whole host of reasons. One, it's not overboard sex, two, it's very sexy, three, it delivers in a very sensual erotic way. Love it Meadow, Thank You for the need for a face cloth! The END! :)


Friday, September 25, 2009

Jackson Rath-brokea-bone

I am going to Vancouver to be a candystripper.

I get that you probably intentionally said "stripper" instead of "striper" and that you probably have all sorts of ideas about dancing on his pole, but how about you go to Vancouver and be a hair stylist? I think he needs that more.

*breathes through her nose, counts to 10* Actually, I think his hair looks cute here.

I thought vampires were supposed to have better eyesight than humans. Not worse.

Poor Shirley. How aweful to be injured at her age. They really should have a stunt double for her.

*squeezes eyes shut* Okay someone is getting drained tonigh.

Well, I did have plans for Mr. Meadow, now that you mention it Spank. But these pictures of Jackson are killing my buzz. Can we put up an Edward picture to bring the sexy back?

You sluts! Don't you ever think of anything else. You realize we have become the "I want to do..." blog don't you. Let's admit it and embrace it.

And to the writer/comedian formerly known as Spank, your threat didn't do what you had hoped. I am not afraid of you ever. So, Spitfire, Spunkpervert, Spanklepire... or whatever it is you're calling yourself these days, why don't you keep it simple and go by one word like Madonna. "MacBone"

Hah. You think I'm afraid to go there? That hair is WORSE than Grandma Betty's. Or maybe it's Grandma Betty's before salon senior special, when she got caught in the rain followed by a wild windstorm.

I'm not scared. I have Emmett to protect me, and clearly he can take Jasper - and you. *grins*


Thursday, September 24, 2009

From Spank to Spankpire

Excuse me everyone but I need to make an announcement. In in the early morning hours of September 23, 2009 I went out on a very romantic date with my mate @JasperYourXanax. First he took me to this beautiful tree and we climbed up on the branches. We sat and talked for a long time, and, well, then we didn't talk so much anymore yadda, yadda, yadda I'm a vampire. *beams* I will now officially be known as Spankpire Ransom. Oh and as is customary for vampires, I also have a unique special talent which is the ability to confuse people. It's very effective.

Um... September 23rd was yesterday. What happened to three days of excruciating pain? Burning? The fact that Alice would've staked you with a stiletto during said transformation?

There is a way to now complete the transformation quickly. I am sure Jasper did a lot of investigation on this issue as he didn't want to go three days without me talking. *swoon* As for Alice, well, there -is- no Alice. Don't bring it up again, Angela Meadow.

You two were blocking my view up in the tree. Get your own damn tree to climb.

It's our love tree, Spider. Go find a new one to stalk Edward in.

Let's tear her apart and burn the pieces! Oh wait. Sorry. Got carried away there.

Thanks, Rain. You know you were never my favorite.

We need to ask you the most basic question: Does the carpet match the drapes?

Alice would know if Jasper's shag carpet matched the shag drapes. Can you imagine the jungle down there if he let's the hair on his head get that out of control?

There. Is. NO. ALICE!

*snicker* There isn't enough detangler in the world...

I can kill you both, you know.

But wait. The League wants to know... does it?

If you want to know if Jasper's carpet matches his drapes or if our carpets and drapes match each other ... the answer is yes.

Well, now that you're a Spankpire, you're dead to me. No really... you're dead.

*shakes my head in disgust* Somebody just kill me.

Nope. Can't. You're already dead.