Book Jacob vs. Movie Jacob

Source: twilightfansite.net




I'd like to discuss Jacob's character WITHOUT getting all sidetracked by his ridiculously well-chiseled abs. *looks pointedly at Ginger*

Ahem...So, in the books, I pretty much detested Jacob. I never once felt sorry for him, or felt like he had been used. I cursed him repeatedly while reading and could not understand why anyone was Team Jacob, or how Bella could even think about kissing him.

But, Movie Jake? Whole different story. I adored him. He was funny and cute and endearing. I felt awful for him when he tried to turn Bella away after he became a wolf. I felt awful for him when she left (although I was a little mad about the phone call). And, my heart even broke when Bella said, "It's always been him." Truly - this character that I detested made my heart break.

But, don't worry - I'm not switching teams, I'm just amazed at how Taylor's portrayal of Jacob has so intensely changed my view of the character. I still kind of hate Book Jake, but Movie Jake... well, that's different.




What's wrong with ridiculously well-chiseled abs?








The first few times I read the books I loathed the dog. The last time I read it I began to see his point of view and sympathized with him though as it pertains to the two central teams (Edward and Jacob) I am decidedly for the vampire. In New Moon I saw Jacob come to life and I really liked him. If I were a teenager in Forks, Washington I would totally hang out with a guy like Jacob and he would be much more my type than the brooding Edward.




I never quite "got" Jacob the first few times I read the books. I think I disliked him on principle since Charlie seemed to be pushing Bella to him and because (honestly) he wasn't Edward. I have to admit that while most people hated him in Breaking Dawn, I actually welcomed his perspective as a break from Edward's overwhelming self-loathing. Now that I've seen how likable Movie Jacob is, I'm afraid I might actually **shudders** welcome Renesemee's appearance as his chance for a happy ending. *shaking fist in the air* Damn you for being so likable Taylor!!

Fade To Black

Jacob gets a hard time from the Twifans, especially from yours truly. But objectively he got a raw deal. Jacob really loved Bella and his emotions were used as a punching bag by Bella, who used him to the extent her needs for him warranted. So while we spend so much time declaring teams we overlook the fact that while Edward and Bella were playing their sexual chess match, Jacob was her pawn.

No No NO! I kind of felt for Jacob until, in Eclipse, he threatened to go and end his life in the fight in order to manipulate Bella into kissing him. That moment right there ended all my good feelings toward him. I may have actually thrown my book across the room. Maybe. Okay, I did throw my book. At an imaginary Jacob.

Yeah, I actually liked Jacob, until I had to read several chapters from his point of view, and then I was just annoyed. I think Stephenie Meyer put them in for filler. FILLER.

I loved Jacob and only began to dislike him when Edward came back into the picture (end of New Moon) and he started calling my man names in Eclipse. Nobody calls my man names! I know the old addage "sticks and stones"... blah, but he was just over the top obnoxious on the beach walks with Bella that he drove me nuts. I was also pissed that Bella kept accepting him saying stuff like, "ok, I won't say that again."

I forgave Jacob for awhile in Breaking Dawn for leaving his pack and protecting the Cullens and felt bad for him UNTIL the imprint. Then I was disgusted. I know it's this whole natural thing, but it's friggin gross man, gross. I wish Stephenie Meyer had faded "to black" the imprinting!

Jacob and the Hare

So If Jacob is practically 7 feet tall and can almost eat a horse it's safe to say he's almost a giant. So, how the hell did he fit into his little VW Rabbit in New Moon? Do you think it was like a Fred Flinstone mobile? Or maybe he sawed the roof off so his head and feet could stick out?

Maybe it's Quileute magic. You know, like a clown car. Or one of those Shriner's cars. I could see Jacob wearing a fez... *snicker*

I wonder what would happen if he phased while driving the car.

I think the car would turn into little metal toothpicks - that would be a sight to see. Let's see if we can get Chris Weitz to CGI that in!

Well, after seeing the CGI wolves at least we know the car would maintain it's "tiny" status while exploding. *rolling my eyes*

The only car Jacob should be riding in is the one driven by Animal Control.

How To Kiss A Dog: A Lecture Course

If you're anything like me (pray you're not) then the whole time you read the middle-ish part of Eclipse you wondered how in the WORLD Bella could ever get so confused to actually kiss Jacob. So I thought it would be fun to come up with some ways that one could prepare one's self to do such a hateful disgusting act. I'll start...

1. You would most definitely need to be drunk or high, c'mon that's a given.

2. You would have to pour acid into your eyes so you wouldn't have to see Jacob's face as close up as Renee (hospital scene) just moments after being with God, I mean Edward (easy mistake.)

3. You'd have to inject large quantities of novacaine inside your mouth so you'd be numb to Jacobs icky darting tongue

4. You'd have to b*tch slap yourself silly before the director calls "rolling" (if that's what they even say).

5. You'd have to be under the influence of Jasper's calming-Xanax power.

6. You'd have to like it rough.

7. You could tape a cut-out picture of Edward on his face and pretend it's him you're kissing.

8. Spray him with cologne to try and disguise the "dog" smell.

*laughing* I'm still trying to get over the "you'd have to like it rough" comment. I know you've read Breaking Dawn. When are we going to do a post on that? ;)
*deep breath* Okay, back to the unpleasant task at hand:

9. Dump him in the Pacific Ocean for a while so lips are pale white and cold as ice.

10. Tie a NY Strip steak around your neck so "he looks at you like you're something to eat."

11. Remind yourself that it could always be worse: You could be kissing Mike Newton.

12. Or even WORSE, Jessica Stanley. ;)

Sorry, but Spank does not deal with such hypotheticals. She would rather spend her time thinking about the many ways she can be sucked by a vampire than to ever imagine having been kissed by a dog.

Buff Taylor

Ok, let me just say that I'm very happy Taylor got re-cast as Jacob. That was the right choice and the poor boy worked his ass off bulking up. Having said that... I am starting to believe he really is Jacob (like I pretend Rob is Edward) and so therefore I have absolutely no lusting feelings about seeing a buff Taylor. But my mom instincts say, "Way to go Taylor for working so hard for the role". Hey do you think if Kristen had to work harder, she'd be a little more appreciative of having the part in the Twilight films?


Meee-ow! At the risk of being thrown in jail for thinking it, Taylor is lookin' fiiiiiiiiine. A 16-year-old just shouldn't look like that. It's not illegal to notice, right? RIGHT? Okay, forget I ever said that. *looking around* Which of you supergals has the ability to alter memories?

Isn't that cute Meadow, making cat calls at the dog. This may come as a shock but Spank was actually supportive of Taylor reprising his role as the filthy mongrel. However, Spank is still actively lobbying by telepathy for the New Moon script to be written from Edward's perspective. Perhaps a companion film release to finally prove which "team" wins? Regardless, I just hope that with the $20.00 increase in budget Summit will get the poor pup a better fitting wig. Oh and haven't you heard? The role of Bella is now being played by Spank Ransom who promises to be very appreciative. Very.

Ok Meadow, you can have felony Taylor. I'll look the other way and won't even tell the authorities that you're robbing the cradle with a SIXTEEN year old. Ewww. Doesn't do it for me. At all. He looks like my childhood friend's younger brother. Now Edward on the other hand... Oh wait. This is a post about Jacob, not Edward.



Ouch, Ginger. I have to have someone to look at while Edward is off with his distractions. And Spank, just be careful. Remember that unfortunate incident with Spider...


In Catherine Hardwicke's Bedroom, Bella Swan Audtions
Catherine: Okay, thank you for your effort... Um? Spider, is it?
Spider: *in the process of pinning Robert Pattinson to the bed*
Catherine: I think we've seen enough, thank you!
Robert: Mmmmphf... SMmmmmmphf!
Spider: See, when I taste godlike lips, a sort of frenzy begins...
Robert: Um, okay... I just want to try this one thing... *jumps up* SECURITY!!!

I was trying to forget that little incident, thanks for posting about it Meadow! I didn't exactly want the whole world to know that I was arrested for assaulting Robert while in an audition. Like you would be able to stop! Oh, that's right, you like the pup. So, I guess since Ginger is taking Jasper, and you're going to the pound for your meat, it's up to Spank and I to duke it out??

This little runt does nothing for me! Although it does sound like he's a little more my speed in the kissing department than Edward. At least he can work at it without pushing her away! Oh, I hate that about Edward, but I also know that's part of the lure! I guess you could say that kissing Jake is like eating tofu... he never really satisfies. Not like kissing Edwards lips for instance!