Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Wet Dreams

I think Rob totally reinvents the meaning of "Wet Dreams", don't you? And he doesn't look so dirty and smelly in this picture. Jasper who?

Okay 1. Where the hell did this picture come from, 2. Why have I not seen it before, and 3. Why am I not behind him, nuzzling his wet, salty neck?

Lauren from Lauren's Bite sent this to me.

Rob is in the water but I'm the one who is drowning ... with desire.

Can you not see his hand outstretched for Spider... Now I have Bobbybumps all over again. I can't think. WTF, this is insane! And if he's in a bath of vodka, I'm in there with him - but instead of drinking the vodka, I'd be drinking every ounce of his fluids...

I think you can probably get drunk drinking his fluids. Even still, if that was vodka I think he'd drain the pool before you had a chance to jump in.

Not a chance in hell... but then again, he can take my soul and hell is a perfect option if he's there. My only concern is how are we going to smoke in the water. It will be near impossible.

If Rob is in hell, then hell is the new heaven.


I think I need to go find Mr. Ginger. You know, so I can show him how this picture makes me feel.

This is worse than those GQ pictures... Now I need to go find some RobPorn that involves swimming and get Mr. Meadow to read it aloud. Because right now Rob's shirt isn't the only thing that's wet. *ifyouknowwhatImean*


Monday, March 30, 2009

Target and Twilight Sitting in a Tree

Hot Topic has the 2-disc Special Edition Twilight DVD with an included film cell. Borders has a 2-disc Special Edition DVD with sparkly pictures. But Target gets the THREE disc Special Deluxe version (with free iTunes digital copy of Twilight). Who saw that coming? Since when does Target sweep in and steal the best version of Twilight out from under Hot Topic? I got the Hot Topic version for the film cell, only to find out from Spank that Target had a 3-disc version. Later Mr. Ginger surprised me with the Target version. Love him! Oh, but I'm still glad I got the film cell. Thank God it was a shot of Edward and not Mike Newton.

I already thought Target made a deal with the devil. How else do you explain my walking in to buy the Twilight DVD and walking out having spent $170?

You need to take the shopping-nazi with you to Target next time.

Target, Summit (Twilight), and Hot Topic form my personal axis of evil. Between the three of them my bank account has taken a very significant nose-dive. How is the economy not more stimulated when I own hundreds of dollars of Twilight merchandise?

... and yet with all their power, resources and our money they cannot come up with the $12 million to get Rob naked? Evil indeed.

Yes, Target, please cough up the $12 million. Because until you do, I'll have to rely on Mr. Ginger's photoshop skills to fuel my imagination. Oh you missed the Naked Rob picture before? Don't worry, we'll share it again.

Do we have any homeschoolers out there? You have our permission to use this picture of Robaelangelo to teach your kids about Art History. You're welcome.


Sunday, March 29, 2009

Storytime with Meadow Cliffdiver

As several of our astute readers picked up on, I have a problem. Hello, my name is Meadow, and I read Rob Porn. I mean, um, FanFics. I am no stranger to the world of fanfics but abstained from Twilight ones until recently. I was willing to wait for Stephenie Meyer to finish Midnight Sun before delving into other people's interpretations of her stories. I don't know if you've noticed, though... SM is taking A GAGILLION YEARS to get her bum in gear and write it, and RP IS CRAZY HOT. These two factors led me to the worst possible of fanfics: One that's about Rob and NOT Edward. Ick! The shame! The horror! A fictional story about a REAL PERSON? *hanging head in shame* (It's AMAZINGLY hot.) I'm gonna go read it again while the rest of the league tells you why they're still willing to be my friend.

Fan fiction isn't my thing, but I have no judgment against those who love it. I mean, Meadow, you're a freak.

Meadow! You are still reading Rob-porn? All this time I thought we were friends... great friends, even. You think you know someone and then you find out she doesn't share. Link, please?

And, uh, I thought you gave up your Rob porn addiction. How many days clean were you before you relapsed?

Go easy on her Ginger... it's really all Stephenie Meyer's fault. I mean what do you expect to happen after Isle Esme's literary "fade to black" and then a still incomplete Midnight Sun? Oh, and Rob's hot.

Meadow knows I love her, Rob-porn addiction or not. And yes, Stephenie is partly to blame. Meadow, get yourself some help, woman, but by all means, send Stephenie the bill.

Meadow did send me the link and I read for a bit, it was interesting and so much so that I felt disgusted w/myself and had to stop. But I wouldn't mind if you happened to accidently send the link to me again! :) Perhaps I'm not the resident slut amoung us after all!

Um, yeah, that would be me.

Spider, the fact that I am addicted to RobPorn does not make me a slut! The things that I'd do with/to Rob Pattinson if I ever got him alone, now THAT makes me kinda a slut. I'm really okay with that.

And for those who are curious and want to read a story about Some Guy Named Rob Pattinson Who Just Happens To Have Starred In A Movie Named Twilight In An Alternate Universe And is NOT AT ALL A Real Person, it's called "I Love LA" by mmm_feathers on twilighted.net. I think it really IS supposed to be about RP but I tell myself it's not. It's what gets me through to the amazingly detailed sex scenes. You know, if you're into that.

Hmmm.... maybe I should check it out. You know, for research purposes.


Saturday, March 28, 2009

Pack of Dogs

So the wolves are descending upon Forks (by way of Vancouver) and everyone is all in flux over how hot they are (and for some strange reason they aren't talking about body temperature). I, for one, don't see it. I mean, they are led by Sharkboy! I don't get the hysteria. Do you?

I must say the photos of the wolf pack aren't doing anything for me, and Taylor doesn't do anything for me other than spark my mom-instincts (hereafter referred to as "momstincts™") but I am curious to see him in the shirtless scenes. You know, so I can cheer for him and say "Way to go on all your hard work in fighting to continue the roll of Jacob. Now step aside so Edward can have Bella. That's a good dog!"

Okay, in order to really "feel" like Bella I want to be able to relate to her attraction to Jacob. So I look at the pictures, and I look at Taylor, and I get... nada. I just kinda want to pat him on the head and tell him that someday he'll find his "special someone." Of course, since that special gal is currently an unfertilized-egg-turned-creepy-plot-device I just feel kinda ick.

I hereby declare that I am Team Rob because I prefer a man with a six-pack and a beer belly instead of a boy who has a six-pack but isn't old enough to legally buy beer.

Can we discuss the fact that Taylor is still in that fugly wig?? Are they going to wig the rest of them or is he the only one who has to suffer that injustice?

I haven't seen these pictures that you girls are talking about. And frankly, I'm not getting off of Edward to bother and look. Woof!

Hey Spider, I'll make it easy for you. Here.

That's them? They look like MIT students.

*snicker* Maybe they can engineer a better hairpiece for Taylor.


Friday, March 27, 2009

Twilight Mom

In the Twilight book, Edward explains Esme and Carlisle as his mom and dad who adopted him. He even goes so far as to say Esme has been his mother longer than his first mom, indicating a closer mother/son bond. Then, in the movie, when Edward introduces Bella to Esme, he says, "Bella, this is Esme, my mom... for all intents and purposes." HUH? Why didn't he just say, "Bella, this is my mother Esme."? Because when they are coming home from Port Angeles and drive by the police station (where Butt-Crack Santa's body was being examined), Edward says, "That is my father's car." So why does he refer to Carlisle as his "Father" but Esme is his "Mother, for all intents and purposes"? Why is movie-Esme getting the shaft?

Poor Esme. She was totally victimized by the so-so scriptwriting. Apparently the audience was supposed to be too slow to understand that Vampire Esme didn't give BIRTH to Vampire Edward. *rolling her eyes* I realize that they LOOK roughly the same age, but we're already accepting the fact that vampires live in a rainy town in the Pacific Northwest. I think we can make the mental leap to "Esme adopted Edward" without the not-so-subtle dig.

Wasn't it bad enough that she only had like 2 lines in the entire movie? She had to be insulted by her son "for all intents and purposes" after cooking an entire meal that she can't even eat? Kids!

I'll wash his mouth out with soap and then do in internal inspection to make sure it's clean. Better yet, I'd better scrub him from head to toe, that naughty disrespectful boy! How dare he ignore his Momma!

Spider, that's brilliant. Then he won't stink anymore and I'll be back on Team Edward.

Edward was very disrespectful to his mother Esme and I think it is incumbent on THIS mother to punish him for it. They don't call me Spank for nothing, you know...