Showing posts with label creepy merchandise. Show all posts
Showing posts with label creepy merchandise. Show all posts

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Creepy Merchandise: Wolf Wear


source: hot topic





I SOOOOOO need this.










Wolf ears? REALLY? *rolling my eyes* Why doesn't Hot Topic just sell a tee with tan abs painted on it and be done with it?








Does the vampire hoodie come with built in air conditioning?








I don't believe so. It's supposed to make you hot.








Or maybe Hot Topic should make an Emmett hoodie with grizzly bear ears and fur. And an Edward one with a mountain lion tail. I mean, if they're going to put wolf ears on a hoodie, why not keep on going with the ridiculous?





Should Jasper's come with a blood stain on it?








I always pictured Jasper as very neat eater. True southern gentleman and such.





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Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Tranny Travesty







Oh no no no. OH HALE NO! Since when did they decide to make a tranny Jacob doll?







*laughs hysterically* Look! Jacob's a "bitch."








*Throws my Jacob candle at Spank*








I don't know, Jacob's not THAT bad. I think it's the angle. And the fact that they obviously used a female body. *snicker* I'm more concerned with why Bella looks like Naomi Judd here. Does she come with a pull string that plays "Why Not Me"?





Why does Edward's hair look like he stuck his cold marble finger in the socket?







I'm sorry, I'm still trying to get past the fact that there is a magazine called, "Fashion Doll Quarterly." *ewww face*







What? I have a subscription to that magazine. But not really.






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Monday, November 16, 2009

Creepy Merchandise: Wolf Packing Tape





Source: Hot Topic








Uh... packing tape? For moving boxes? Is this for when husbands get tired of their wives Twilight obsession and send them packing?







Either that or it's for when we pack away all your sharp objects and have you committed for therapy for being Team Jacob.







*grabs tape and starts walking toward Ginger*






You can only have me committed if I'm a danger to myself or others. I would never hurt myself.






Choosing Jacob over Edward isn't just hurting yourself Ginger. It hurts *all* of us.







That's not the only thing in my possession that could hurt you.








If you suggest that this tape can also be used to seal bags for moving bodies I'm going to be really really freaked out. In fact, um... Team Jacob! Yeah! *fakes smile while backing out of the room*






*slowly backs away with Meadow mouthing with raised fist* Team Jacob all the way *turns around and gags*







Wait just a minute. They have New Moon Packing Tape, but not New Moon Tissues? We need New Moon licensed Kleenex for November 20th! It doesn't take a marketing genius to figure out that Kleenex with the Cullen Crest or the Wolf Pack tattoo would sell just a bit better than packing tape. *rolls eyes*




I actually think this tape is intended to wrap up and dispose of the Wolf Pack. It is, after all, Wolf Pack tape. What else could it be for?







It can be used to shut the mouths of those who oppose the Wolf Pack. Yeah, I think that's what it's for.







*runs away from Ginger*







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Monday, November 9, 2009

She's a Barbie Girl





Barbie Bella and Ken Edward are now available for purchase. While I commend them for getting the skin-tone on Edward appropriately dead-ish, this Bella doesn't look nearly twitchy and skinny enough to be KStew's Bella. Also, she's smiling. Where's the pout?





Oh come on, as if a Barbie doll has EVER been realistic looking. And seriously, Edward looks like he's wearing a Michael Myers mask for Halloween. There is such a thing as too white.




I think my daughter's Patrick Dempsey Barbie is going to have some competition. (Yes, I bought my daughter a Robert from Enchanted instead of a normal Ken. Ken looks like he plays for both teams ifyouknowwhatImeanandIthinkyoudo.)






I'm staying true to my Little Edward. Unless of course they come out with an Emmett barbie.





Oh Rain, they will just will reissue the Ken doll to be Twilight's Emmett. You know the dyed blonde gay Mattel doll.








*throws Little Edward at Spank*









I think Edward is supposed to be sparkly. I wonder if he's anatomically correct. *thinks of Vamp*








So, how many of these suckers do you think they have to sell to come out with a whole line? You know, a silver-changes-to-black Barbie Volvo? A victorian-manse-turned-post-modern-bi-level Dream House?






Hey I saw these in the store. Edward's skin is all glittery. I kept moving him to catch the light so he'd keep sparkling. Bella's doll looks really beautiful, so they obviously didn't use her as a reference.






*throws Little Edward at Ginger's head*









So, Ginger, did he twinkle when he was glittering? *wicked grin*









*snicker* Hey, look. I think I found the one they'll use for Jacksper:
Jasper can borrow Emmett/Ken's Tux if you ever want to take him out of his Homecoming Queen dress, Spank.




*picks up Little Edward and throws him at Meadow*







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Monday, November 2, 2009

Underpattz









Sources:
Spunk-Ransom and Twitarted

Okay, so I saw this on Twitter the other day and had to share. Half of me is all "OMG that's hysterical!" and the other half of me is all "I am too old to be saying 'OMG.' And also, Edward's mouth on my crotch is kinda creepy." Guess which half is winning? *wicked grin*






At least they could have chosen a picture of him with his mouth open. What?!









Do they come with absorbent lining to draw the moisture away quickly?








Some girls and I on Twitter are thinking of opening a Cafe Press store with this concept. There will be tongue represented. Who's in? *grin*








Well if Edward is on my crotch with his tongue represented doesn't that mean he's in #wearingunderpantsinsideout









Um, no. You have to buy that part separately from an adult specialty store.








*shrugs and goes back to bed with Jasper and the Vamp*










Does this come with a matching bra? Like Edward's hands as the cups?








Okay, seriously, I think I'd spontaneously combust if we combined Rob's hand-porn with lingerie. Meadow = dead.








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