Monday, August 31, 2009

Meadow and The Vamp

So we thought we should mention that Meadow retired from the League, not from life. She she exists! In fact, she's going to be popping in from time to time to comment and do some Storytime With Meadow Segments.

Yeah, Spank, Spider, Rain and I are like the "AEIOU" of The League and Meadow is now the "Sometimes Y". Meadow is like the Barbara Walters of The View. You never know when she's gonna show up.

Meadow's also writing a fan-fic which The League will review. I just think that Meadow needs to try to spend more time writing it and less experimenting her moves in the bedroom with nightstand Edward (I hope to have one someday)...

Wait, Meadow has a Night Stand Edward?

Actually I don't think so. Pretty sure only one person I know does.

*snicker* One very happy person.

Man, I didn't need to picture ANY of you sitting on Nightstand Edward.

If I had it I'd sit AND rotate.

Whatever. I have a Nightstand Eric. *evil grin*

*Cue Spider to get on the internet and search for Nightstand Eric*

*dazed eyes that cannot blink* I NEVER thought of Nightstand Eric Northman. What better excuse to upgrade the size model?! Hmmmm...

*snicker* Yes, I'd be willing to bet that Vampire Eric would *ahem* outrank Edward. Especially since a Nightstand model can't get points for being dark and brooding.


Oooh... Too much for ya?? If you can't take the heat then stay out of the sexual-innuendo kitchen! *grin*

Filthy girl! You're ovulating aren't you!?

You have just said the ONE thing that would turn me off. I shudder to think of having any more kids. Even Edward's or Eric's. *grin* But I don't NEED to be ovulating to be horny thinking about them. **wanders off to look at** (Don't pretend you don't know what it is.)

*innocent eyes* Isn't that the story in the first book of Bible? *sly grin*

Also, since Ginger is so *ahem* pure, do we need to all pitch in to send her a gift certificate for one? We all know she has the Edward Glitter Powder. I can only imagine how THAT'D come in handy...

A-hem. Standing right here!

Oh Meadow - actually, it sparkles all on it's own! But only in the sunlight. But seriously, who will be using this thing in the light of day?

Look at this: "Yes the The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience." *clicks purchase* And I will name him Jasper and I will hug him and squeeze him and pet him and pat him and ....

Where's the handle? Don't you need a handle? What if it get's stuck? How the heck do you hold it?

Oh I don't think she can handle that.

*biting my tongue to keep from making snide comments* Okay, it didn't work. Did you LOOK at it? What, you think it'll get LOST?

As to the "glitters in the sun" part, well, I think it's safe to say that backyards across America are not going to be safe for Meter Readers for a while...

Am I the only one who thinks Eric is being left out of this? I mean, what, do they have dildos with viking hat accessories too?

*imagining The Vamp with a tiny viking hat*


Ok, so does the whole "sparkle" thing matter if it's going where the sun don't shine? Also, yes, I still want to know how you hold the f*cking thing. There should be a handle coming out of the side so the user (if they don't have long arms) can use it without strain. Like a four inch rubbery bar on the right side. The good thing is, it is also useful for the left-handed client. As it can be turned around and such to suit the left handed person(s).

Maybe it comes with an instructional video. I hope so, in your case.

This would be prudent on the part of the manufacturer. Not even a video is needed, but at least a blue and white "instruction" packet like you get in the Tampax box with pencil illustrated drawings showing the vaginal opening.

You just have to sit on it, Spider. I mean, I heard that somewhere.

I'm pretty sure that they come like they do so that you can, *ahem*, strap it down. Or on. Whatever. I'd like to see Mr. G photoshop a viking hat on that Effer. *giggling*

I think Mr. Ginger draws the line at photoshopping male genitalia, even if it's artificial and sparkly.

So, you sit on it and then it falls over, right. what holds it in place? Is something wrong with me? I think this calls for a conference call before I end up in the ER with a lodged sparkling dildo!

Hmm, do you think we can get the site to send us "preview copies?" You know, for journalistic research?


Sunday, August 30, 2009

Sultry Bloody Sunday: The Jasper "Shoop"

This week's Sultry Bloody Sunday is Spank's pick. Not only did I choose the video, I made the video because that's just how much of a vested interest I have in bringing the sexy to you, our faithful readers and friends. So without further ado, I present to you the man who made Jasper Hale - the one and only Sultry Southerner, Jackson Rathbone.

*claps enthusiastically* There were so many good pics of Jackson, you have me almost wanting to switch to Team Jasper.

Spank! Seriously - well done! This video is awesome. You managed to find pictures of him where he doesn't look too weird and his hair doesn't look like Grandma Betty's. *ducking* But, honestly, he is cute and I can kindasorta see what you like about him (but I'm NOWHERE near switching teams). Why can't Suckmit make him look this kindasorta adorable in the movies?

Dear Father: It has been fifteen years since my last confession. I have been unfaithful to my "pretend husband" Robert Pattinson tonight and have had lustful thoughts towards a man named Jackson. Forgive me father, for I have sinned. Please tell me what my penance is. His lips and eyes are just too dreamy to not want!

*jaw drops* This is almost better than Spider admitting to Robsten!


Saturday, August 29, 2009

The Saga Continues

The story of Edward and Bella ended with Breaking Dawn but there are so many characters that I'd love to learn more about. If Stephenie Meyer ever revisited this world where do you think she should go and with whom? I think a compelling story is Carlisle Cullen. Son of a preacher man with his own ideas, turned into a vampire and determined to retain his humanity. His early years and struggles... his years with the Volturi and his travels through the night in a superstitious world that ultimately led him to his forever family.

I wanna follow Seth Clearwater. Follow him to the bedroom. Damn. I must be ovulating. I'm saucier than usual. (no, not THAT kid they picked for the role... the Seth Clearwater in my bed head)

I'd be happy to follow around Edward in Midnight Sun. I know that doesn't answer your question, but I don't really know of anyone else other than Carlisle that I would bother buying a book about. Girls, we need to find motivation for Stephanie Meyer to finish Midnight Sun... How about this: J.K. Rowling re-writes Chambers of Secrets all from Dobby's point of view! "Little Dobby, Big World".


Oh come on guys! What about Jacob and Renesmee? *snicker*

Would that be in the preschool section of Barnes & Noble?