Friday, December 11, 2009

New Moon Fail

We've covered what we loved most and now it is time to dissect that which had major suckage. For me it wasn't so much a scene as it was the performance of Robert Pattinson *takes a deep breath preparing for the onslaught of hate mail*

First of all, why was Edward dressed like an old man? And where was the pea coat? @Little_Edward's pea coat does NOT come off! *takes a deep calming breath*
And another thing: In the book Edward was actually a lighthearted (for him, anyway) prior to the birthday party! So explain to me why RPattz played Edward to look like he took a dump and forgot to wear his Depends undergarments to school? Y'all say Jasper looks constipated? Well I call that the look of intense pain and discomfort caused by having a near constant and burning desire to drain all of Forks High School. So, tell me, what's Edward's excuse for looking like he ate bad cheese?

Yes, can we talk about Edward's outfit for a minute? Grey pants and brown wing tips? I understand that he's 109 years old, but does he have to be dressed that way?

And, here is something that has bothered me each time I've seen the movie. What is up with the motorcycle dude? Are there really gangs of motorcycle dudes hanging out waiting for randoms to jump on the back of their bikes? When he says, "What's that sugar (or baby, or sweet-tits, or whatever he says)?" and then decides he doesn't care what she said, and drives off, I was so confused! Who does that?

And, finally, *laces up running shoes* I did not like Aro's maniacal laugh. *runs away, fast*

*sprints after Rain, laughing maniacally*

Things I didn't like:

Jacob with his shirt on.
Elasti-Sam cliff-diving.
Stupid shiny charcoal Volvo
Emo-pansy Edward
Edward's phone call that interrupts Jacob and Bella's kiss
Edward with his shirt off and freaky left nipple
Edward returns to Forks
Bella chooses Edward over Jacob

**ignoring Ginger** I agree I wasn't crazy about any of the parts you guys (except for Ginger) discussed. I mean, Edward's wardrobe was EPIC FAIL. We all know that.

What about Bella's forest breakdown? Where was the drama? Sure, stumbled around calling his name like Simba calling for Mufasa in The Lion King and yes that was sad. But where were the hysterics afterward? She really didn't look THAT different in her catatonic state than she did any other day.

What about the phone call from Rose to Edward? I realize it was an outtake but it was a damn good one.

Also, I hated how all of the Cullens seemed like an afterthought in this movie. Where was the discussion on the plane between Alice and Bella? In fact, where was ANY discussion on the plane? Was it too hard to pay for an interior plane shot so we could see Bella and Edward reconnecting? And really, VIRGIN Atlantic? *snicker*



SweetLikeSandi said...

Okay, first, Rain, you just said sweet tits. If this was on twitter, I would SO favorite that.

Second, you left off the amish clothing from the Vampengill ad. I would think that should be fresh in your mind - ha - fresh! - since we JUST discussed this.

Third, Mike Newton suddenly being a chubby oompa loompa? Did they NOT think we'd notice he gained 30 pounds and aged about 10 years?

My biggest complaint was not only the bruised left nipple (and the bizarre amount of chest hair on a vampire - wax that!) but also the fact that there was clearly a storyline there. I mean, his shirt, which, frankly, I thought was pajamas, has a huge rip in the chest right over where the nipple bite would be. So, what, he's attacked by a newborn vampire who is also a nursling? Do newborn vampires breastfeed? I think not.

Magic pizza wrench

Jamie Bower (Aro's sister)

Random children in the backyard at Bella's

Jane's outfit

and last, but not least...


Every stinkin' one of those waxed pec golden brown bods were RUINED by the ragged jorts. Their thighs don't expand? Have you SEEN a soccer player? They have wicked thighs! If they were phasing, thereby shredding their jeans, the TOPS would be shredded before the CALVES! Oy vey!

I feel better.

SweetLikeSandi said...

P.S. I forgot the changing color of Eddie's face and lips. Lip stain is great. I get it. But the Benefit lipstick they used in Twilight was just as bad as this! He looked like he was eating cherry popsicles all day long. And then, in Volterra, they're tan? This is a being that NEVER CHANGES. His hair is perfection. His skin is perfection. Every day. EVERY day. But, take Bella away and he bruises and his face changes colors??

mommaruth said...

I thought Rosalie's last name was Hale? I'm so confused - I hated Bella's entire breathing ordeal. Why can't she just be out of breathe like a normal person?! And the Volturi totally didn't do it for me. Aro was all goofy/giddy and too nice. Caius rushed his lines and looked like a girl. And Marcus just looked bored with the whole thing. Good movie, definite room for improvement though. Maybe they'll get it right with Eclipse & Breaking Dawn!

I was going to ask - do you gals think they should keep Breaking Dawn PG-13 for the kiddies or should they bump it up to R to fully explore Bella & Edward's relationship?

Diane said...

Things that irked me:

-her nightmare screams were worse than when Edward actually left. And when she "collapsed" in the woods, she just looked like she was tired and needed a nap versus devastating crushing heartbreak

-agree about her breathing - that drove my hubs crazy...he really hated her performance.

-The way she collapses in the Meadow and starts pawing at the ground. If you didn't read the book I don't think that part translated well.

2> Alice
-her "look at me jump over these school stairs railings because I'm so weird"

-Why is she dressed in those ridiculous housecoats?

3> Jacob
-His two "hulk" like lines "You want me to put in the hospital?" and "Don't make me angry"

4> Angela & Eric
-Why are they still a couple? Where's Ben? Angela is WAY too good for the Gaysian!

5> Rosalie
-One, Nikki Reed looked worse in this movie than the last

-Why was she always standing crooked like she had scoliosis?

6> Edward (besides what's been said already)
-The red bathrobe
-The kiss moan/groan - It works as mp3 but that whole scene felt forced and awkward...from the "Kiss Me" with the crooked eyebrow to the groaning jizz moment

7>The Cullen house
-With a family of 7 (almost 8), why don't they have a living room big enough for everyone to fit? Why must someone always stand on the stairs? They're rich right? Build a bigger house!

But I actually LOVED the movie because it was a good representation of the book and far superior to Twilight. I hope Eclipse and sexy, dark, and scary!

Lori said...

Okay, time for everyone to throw stuff at me…

RE: Spank’s List

I actually liked Edwards wardrobe. First off, the coat he wears in the dream sequence gives me the chills, I love it. But when I read the books I got the clear message that Edward was more mature and advanced, which makes sense as he’s about 90 years older than his classmates. So him dressing a little more adult makes good sense to me.

I also feel the need to make the general statement that you can’t really blame the performances 100% on the actors. Rob was most likely directed to play it that way.

RE: Rain’s List

I unfortunately know this from experience. There are indeed gangs of motorcycle dudes hanging out waiting for randoms to jump on the back of their bikes. But I greatfully can’t speak for what happens once you jump on the back.

Back to Spank

Umm…where can I download that audio file????

RE: Ginger’s List

Jacob with his shirt on. – I AGREE!
Elasti-Sam cliff-diving. – I AGREE!
Stupid shiny charcoal Volvo – I AGREE!
Edward with his shirt off and freaky left nipple – Is it crazy that I never noticed that until you pointed it out?

RE: Meadow’s List

I totally agree, I wanted her meadow breakdown to be so much more.

I again totally agree, when are the rest of the Cullen clan going to start getting the screen time they deserve?? Their stories are all really great, I don’t think anyone would mind sitting in the theatre an extra 30 or 45 minutes to get their stories.

RE: MY List

My number one gripe is product placements. I hate them in ANY movie but they seemed so much more offensive in New Moon. And they were just so blatant. Let’s have the Burger King bag sitting smack dab in the center of the shot shall we? ICK!

dazzledbyhim said...

Where is this Burger King placement??? I've seen the movie like 6 times now and I've never noticed it???

@ Spank: apparently the pea coat disappeared because Rob hated it. I guess he was sick of wearing it all the time. He asked for the long coat he wore in the dream sequence.
The only outfit that I have a problem with of this this time is the one he wore to school. Edward would never wear that, I'm sorry.
And I agree that Edward should have been more happy in the beginning of the movie... he already looked depressed for no reason! But I do LOVE that slow mo walk of his...

@ Rain: the motorcycle dude annoyed me too. He's just weird. He didn't even LOOK like a biker.

And I didn't like Aro's laugh either! It didn't sound scary, just a little Michael Jackson-ish!

@ Meadow: while I didn't think that Bella sucked in the break up scene, I was expecting more. When she fell, she just kind of laid down... and I expected some sobbing or something, but she just kind of laid there. Although, the scenes afterward where she's spinning in her room was spot on for me!

Overall, what annoyed me the most was just the way the Cullen's looked. Carlisle looked fat, Rosalie (again) just looked totally wrong and her wig sucked, Jasper's hair was worse than in Twilight (sorry Spank), and Alice was dressed in grandma clothing...
What gives????

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