Thursday, September 24, 2009

From Spank to Spankpire

Excuse me everyone but I need to make an announcement. In in the early morning hours of September 23, 2009 I went out on a very romantic date with my mate @JasperYourXanax. First he took me to this beautiful tree and we climbed up on the branches. We sat and talked for a long time, and, well, then we didn't talk so much anymore yadda, yadda, yadda I'm a vampire. *beams* I will now officially be known as Spankpire Ransom. Oh and as is customary for vampires, I also have a unique special talent which is the ability to confuse people. It's very effective.

Um... September 23rd was yesterday. What happened to three days of excruciating pain? Burning? The fact that Alice would've staked you with a stiletto during said transformation?

There is a way to now complete the transformation quickly. I am sure Jasper did a lot of investigation on this issue as he didn't want to go three days without me talking. *swoon* As for Alice, well, there -is- no Alice. Don't bring it up again, Angela Meadow.

You two were blocking my view up in the tree. Get your own damn tree to climb.

It's our love tree, Spider. Go find a new one to stalk Edward in.

Let's tear her apart and burn the pieces! Oh wait. Sorry. Got carried away there.

Thanks, Rain. You know you were never my favorite.

We need to ask you the most basic question: Does the carpet match the drapes?

Alice would know if Jasper's shag carpet matched the shag drapes. Can you imagine the jungle down there if he let's the hair on his head get that out of control?

There. Is. NO. ALICE!

*snicker* There isn't enough detangler in the world...

I can kill you both, you know.

But wait. The League wants to know... does it?

If you want to know if Jasper's carpet matches his drapes or if our carpets and drapes match each other ... the answer is yes.

Well, now that you're a Spankpire, you're dead to me. No really... you're dead.

*shakes my head in disgust* Somebody just kill me.

Nope. Can't. You're already dead.



lickhimright said...

Well congratulations dear Spankpire! You got what you wanted!
I just hope that you are as abstinent as Jasper *rolls eyes* cause I know many people who want to become vampires *looking @reelhimin @zipperdown @holdhimdown @undresshim... pfffft...
Oh! And please do me a favor and bite @CandiContagious too... she would "die" for it... *snickers*

Candi said...

oh shut it Lickie *playfully scowls* anyone knows i want to be bit by Kellan...err Emmett

lickhimright said...

@Candi anyone should bite you already so you stop whining... pffft.... *grins*

Twisuz said...

HEEHEE, it has to be Edward or Emmett for me!!Enjoy your new vampiredom Spankpire, I'm excited about it!!I'm sure you and Jasper have amazing adventures ahead!*wink*

Melanie said...

LOL congrats (is that what you say at a time like this, congrats?) on your fangs. Oh, and for some reason when Spankpire (please dont change your twitter name) said "There. Is. No. Alice." I thought of Ghostbusters when Sigourney says "There is no Dana. Only Zool." LOL ok im strange. Anyway can i be in the league now that Spank is *wipes tears* dead.... Sparkly Spunk has a ring to it. Think about it. <3

TwiHuntress said...

Well isn't that just special :)

Ilaria said...

*shakes head* ok, so now what's next? is Ginger gonna become a dog after her rendezvous with Jacob Wolfe? What about you Spider and Rain? Meadow, DO something!

Anonymous said...

LMFO Ginger "Does the carpet match the drapes". Awaiting the adventures of Spankpire.....