Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Melissa Lame-ass Rosenberg

Our special correspondent Haleygolightly sent us this news item that dashes ice cold water on our hopes for Isle Esme and expresses her views on this potentially damaging situation. Haley, back to you:

Anonymous Friend Haley: Rosenberg says you can’t have a Twilight movie with anything more adult than a PG-13 rating. She has yet to be hired to write the script for the fourth, Breaking Dawn, but she thinks it’s safe to assume the book’s more graphic violent scenes will be tailored to keep it accessible for Twilight’s teen moviegoing audience.“Our fans are in the PG age range, and I don’t feel a big necessity to see violence, and to see gore,” Rosenberg said. “I don’t need to see that. This whole series is more about their relationship. It’s not about the gore. I mean, there are some scary and special elements to it, but the series is really about relationships and coming of age and owning one’s power.”

So this basically means that if they hire Miss Rosenberg again for Breaking Dawn, we can say goodbye to any hopes of a less than fade-to-black experience. Not shocking, but quite disappointing. And if they think they have their hands full with gore and sex, wait 'til the casting call goes out for Jacob's love interest/half-breed spawn: 'Looking for toddler that is expressive, can pretend to read minds, grows at an alarming rate, and is comfortable around incredibly attractive British men. Must be better than the average child and 420 friendly.'


Thanks for ruining my f*cking day!

*closes eyes, takes deep breaths and counts to 10 so as to not phase* So... what... we get Hannah Montana *breathe* meets Joe Jonas *take Xanax* in middle school *apply cold compress* where they kiss on the cheek *gag* and live happily ever after *$%#@$$@@$!!* <-- (PG version of what I REALLY think). Well, Miss PG-13, you're gonna see who the real audience of this franchise is if you DARE give us anything less than an NC-17 Isle Esme with an an unrated version on DVD (to be sold by *adult* retailers nationwide).

*rolling my eyes* What part of "vampire love story" screams family-friendly in the first place? Did she read some Disney version of Twilight where vampires get sustenance by eating spinach or something? I bet in her version of Isle Esme they'll consummate their relationship by holding hands on the beach and then the stork will bring Renesmee.

Yeah, BIG mistake if they think their bread and butter is PG'ers.Do you think we could start a fund to hire RP to play the role in some of the fanfic stuff we've been reading? Now THAT would be worth millions, and millions would pay to see it!

That sucks BALLS. Can we start a "Boycott Rosenberg" group? PG my ass! Let's hope they have an "unrated" version of the movie for us to watch later.

I volunteer to write the script instead. I'd have to work closely with Rob during the rewrite process. I mean, I respect him so much as an actor that I'd want to get his, um, input.

Or, we can kidnap ask Rob for a private unrated performance of the honeymoon scene for The League. He can do it in four takes.



Ninja Fanpire said...

Well, I think there's hope for the BD movie, since they haven't hired anyone to do anything. Nothing's for sure yet. We must wait and see.

Sorry, I took a hike up to a tranquil mountain yesterday, I am full of Ninja wisdom.

sakixry said...

Good morning girlfriends!

WHAT THE F*CK???? You got to be kidding me! Are those Summit people stupid? Do they think they made all the money from teenagers? Who gave those teenagers their pocket money to go watch Robward again and again and again? Who "escorted" these teenagers to the movies? Who buyed the DVD's and all the Twilight merchandise?

I wanna start a riot!!! What the hell? Where is my pitchfork? Aaaah! There it is! Stay right where you are Melissa! I'm paying you a visit! R-Team? Follow me! *running off in vampire speed with pitchfork in hand and evil glare in eyes*

Anonymous said...

Morning ladies!!
I have to say that the news is not such a big surprise for me!! I knew it!!
To be honest the 4th book wasn't "pre-teen friendly" so why this craziness of this Rosenbug to change it in a Disney movie??? Heloooooooooo!!
The sex scenes need TO BE up a little more cause that WILL BRING MONEY!! I mean Edward is supposedly the best looking guy around and he's still a virgin after 108 years? Yeah that is a good example for the kids!!!
The story is the story, and if some kids are too young to see that stuff, well that's their, and their parents', problem!!!
If you cut from BD the sex scene, Bella giving birth to the little monster they should not make a movie in the first place!! Is useless!
So my big question for Rosenberg is:
If the teens and preteens are adult enough to read the books then why even question if they could see the movie? What’s the difference, when you read these books you’re picturing it happening in your head, right??
Oh never mind...I just want to kill Rosenbughead and get over with this story!!

R Team is ready to attack my dear but we should have something stronger then the pitchforks!!!

sakixry said...

@faith: ok, i'm taking out my gun!

Melissa Rosenbughead? Mahahhaaa! She should go make a disney movie and leave us to write the script *winking@meadow*. We can even "testdrive" Robward to see if he is up for the role...

Anonymous said...

oh he is up for it, no doubt about it!! but I don´t mind testing...him..a little... let me lick you up and down...
and yes a gun should do it but it has to be a big one!!
why every time I mention Rob I say something about sizes?? or maybe is just me...

sakixry said...

@faith: i dont know whats going on with you, robward and sizes... hmmmm... i will have to further investigate. *grin*
yeah... testing... *sigh* lick him up and down... {{perv}}

Ravishim Team said...

Dear League!

We - Faith_83, Robin(me), Robnutmeg, Sakixry and last but not least (!!!) our own dear Vampie - are the RavisHim Team! It's official!

You can come visit us at http://ravishim.blogspot.com/

We wanted to deeply thank you for making us meet each other and be ... "The RavisHim Team"! *wink*

You can also find us at Twitter under RavisHim Team of course.

We love you and will be eternally grateful!

Wheaty's Girl Creations said...

I say it needs to be rewritten for us!!!!!! then a movie nc-17 too..hahhahahhahahah we deserve it..we are the fanbase really. lol We shouldnt have to rely on fanfiction..haha I want to see him bite a pillow or two..hahahahhahah lol Women also have fantasies..if you say you dont..you are lying..but women have fantasies and often fulfill these fantasies..you know..'rough *sexy time*' lol...so i think the isle esme scene would have so much potential..haha then we could recreate the scene with our hubbys. lol Just have to make sure not to yell out Edward during the heat of the moment. lol ;)

GallifreyReject said...

Ok for one, I think she blows as a screenwriter...

Two, if she doesn't realize that the majority of Twilight fans are over the age of 14.....(Some who go 0 to 60 in less than a minute....beware blondie)then she seriously has identity issues...

personally, I want to see the blood in Eclipse AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!! I better see heads ripped off, a cute lil brown vampire making her debut with two lines..(hint hint)..getting killed by Jasper..or Emmett lmao..

robnutmeg said...

Good Morning, League.

I.knew.it! Someone evil crashed both my PC & laptop yesterday afternoon, (glaring @Melissa R)I spent ALL bloody nite getting the GEEK squad to fix it. I'm afraid laptop didn't make it. *a moment of silence for it, so faithful to the f*cking end*

Ok, now where were we?

NICE, pic! @Mr. Ginger

@Spider, Ginger
Yea, my f*ucking PG and "psychotic" eyes and ears are starting to get a tad bit violent now. LET ME SIGN that Boycott! Besides Rob is ready for ISLE ESME so he can bong kstewpid LEGALLY! and in front of "keepcomingbackformoreshit" oregano.....*just saying*

I'm thinking like @robin(me), I don't need to Sparkle!!!

@Sakixry, faith
hey wait for me on that licking!

Write the script for BD and you'll most likely meet up with a terrifying end of a pointy pitchfork oh sorry @sakixry gun? no gun IS big enuff. *smirk @faith* too loud and what if ur a lousy shot? ...how about the Volturi magic vampire killing shrieky wandy thing....

he can do it in 9 takes! *just saying*

I'd think Hunchback of Notre Dame's fireplace musical diddy is quite frightening, actually. mmmm. Twilight Disney. mmm. Holding hands on the beach? *gasp*

@Ravishim Team
We loves our Twilight-headed league and our comment family! We're NEVER going to stop as long as there is a Rob.

plz don't let ur fever go up now, don't get upset darling - we won't let the MEAN & selfish MR *f*ck up* (wink @spider) BD.

Anonymous said...

reporters make reference to all the WOMEN who are obsessed with Twilight, so how can Summitt not know? We give them all the money. The kids see it and loose intrest till the next movie. We have the pratience to keep our obsession going while we wait for any info that comes out. Kids move on. For us WOMEN, this is all we have to make our life exciting! WE do this, money machine that is Twilight. They better recognize!
I NEED ISle Esme!!!!!!!!!!
Should we start flouding Summitt with emails or actual letters??
Who's with me?

Meghanface said...

Only you guys can go from
"PG my ass!"
"We can ask Rob for is Input."
You guys are hilarious.


What do you mean????
they did MORE than just hold hands in BD???

just kidding.

by the time they ACTUALLY get BD out, most of the "teen" audience will be of age, and ready for most RP action!

OCD Sufferer said...

Know what is funny about this?
I work at a video store and when Twilight first came out ALL the kids wanted to see it and I seriously (not joking what-so-ever) heard parents say, "No! That movie is too scary! It is about vampires!" If I didn't like free movies as much as I do, I would have made such fun of those parents! But, I sat there and smiled while thinking of how NOT scary RP is....yum!!!

Jen said...

Wow. They are making such a huge mistake if they go with her. The books grow up as the series moves to the end. If the movies don't grow up they are going to lose their audience. And personally it's a little insulting to think that the movie's screen writer doesn't realize that there is more to their audience than the PG crowd.

robin(me) said...


You know maybe someone will throw HER script in the garbage where it can't be found this time......for real......*muttering very bad language right now*

I'm with you girl! *still muttering very bad language right now*

@Ravishim Team
ooh. gone for a few days and we've gone public? um. ok. yea team! u know this fever of mine would be totally worth it if EDWARD'S beautiful long fingered cold hands would give me a nice massage.....

is there a ff about having a fever and EC soothing the fever? point me in the right direction - ohbesmutone....b/c damn i'm hawtter than a firecracker and it's going to complete waste!

Twilight, scary? mmmm. yea scary that it was screenwritten by MR and directed by CH.

At least RPattz escaped being molested by either one of them! (no that's right MR is the amish and CH is the horny one) *muttering again*

i'm getting quite used to be insulted by Summitt. but i hear that there is a boycott, mmm. @Ginger. oh btw: suck balls? mahahahahahaha. if they are robballs i'mrighttherenow!

@sakixry, faith, robnutmeg,vampie
waitforme! iwanttoplaytoo!

oh geez. that hand holding just rattled my cage, too. i'm thinking PG-M now what happens if there's no shirt and *gasp* weedkini top? *faint*

Georgie said...

You have all failed to see what PG-13 can bring. How many of you have seen Yes Man with Jim Carrey? That scene with the old lady, yeah that was terrible! It was rated PG-13. There are ways to show Isle Esme enough to understand what is happening. I think someone, besides Rosenburg,--if they are willing to--can make Isle Esme more than it was in the book. Most movies now-a-days have scenes that hint at sensuality. Twilight had one...thats what they called it anyway. So I think they can do it and get away with it. I don't think they can make a successful BD if they do not have the honeymoon. It's impossible...that's why it's in the book. And who cares if it's geared at a young audience? I know for a fact that EVERYONE--from ages 10-99--reread Isle Emse over and over and over again. They want it in the movie, too!

Georgie said...

You have all failed to see what PG-13 can bring. How many of you have seen Yes Man with Jim Carrey? That scene with the old lady, yeah that was terrible! It was rated PG-13. There are ways to show Isle Esme enough to understand what is happening. I think someone, besides Rosenburg,--if they are willing to--can make Isle Esme more than it was in the book. Most movies now-a-days have scenes that hint at sensuality. Twilight had one...thats what they called it anyway. So I think they can do it and get away with it. I don't think they can make a successful BD if they do not have the honeymoon. It's impossible...that's why it's in the book. And who cares if it's geared at a young audience? I know for a fact that EVERYONE--from ages 10-99--reread Isle Emse over and over and over again. They want it in the movie, too!

OCD Sufferer said...

Note from the RSA *to anyone who still comes to this site because I am wondering where everyone went....*

Just read a fan-f*ck-tabulous ff!

Mr. Horrible http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4953962/1/Mr_Horrible

Did you like Juno? Imagine Juno (Bella) with no brain filter...cussing like a sailor...BFF is a drag queen...and she meets extremely wealthy Edward...who also cusses like a sailor and absolutely LOVES that she has no brain filter! She is quirky, loud-mouthed, bossy, and loveable! I honestly would LOVE to have one of her around! Heck, I would marry her myself! LOL! I thought Mr. Horrible was what Edward is, but he isn't. It is a joke, that you find out several chapters in. She calls him Rich Kid and he calls her Baby Swan...and they RARELY ever call each other Bella or Edward. It is hilarious! Ed's family is great, I LOVE Esme in this! Laurent is Ed's butler and he is all trying to bring Bella's ghetto style into the Cullen Manse. I am telling you that you will die when you read this!!
It isn't FULL of smut, but they talk about smut enough to "get your rocks off" LOL!!!!!
I laughed so hard at one point I sounded like an old hag choking on cigarettes while being hooked up to oxygen! Just to give you a quick reason why, here is a direct quote:
*you can guess what this is in response to after you read it...and it is so freaking funny because I have...a...friend...who...totally agrees...yeah, that friend...had a similar experience 'nuff said*

“I'm sorry I reacted like that, Edward. Really, I am. It just... wasn't at all what I expected.”

The poor girl looks like she just discovered Santa, the fucking Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny aren't real on the same day. “What did you expect?”

“Well, everything I've read said it tasted like fucking candy and shit and I guess I'm an idiot because I thought I'd sort of be all sexy and drink it down like lemonade. I'm sorry, really, Edward. I'm a tool. Next time, I know what to expect.”

Ginger Swan said...

@Georgie, I think that's what we're afraid of... that they'll have the honeymoon and only fade to black, hinting at what goes on behind closed doors. We want to see it! And see it all. Who's with me on this?

@kellyprovence, I'm totally with you on this!

@Ravishim Team... congrats on the new blog! Just don't stop visiting us because we will miss you!!!

I say the make an unrated director's cut version of Breaking Dawn that will satisfy everyone! They can even release it at the theater and card us upon admission!

FreakFlagFlyer said...

Bring on the sex scene. Obviously I am not talking porn here, but, nonetheless, they are married at that point. So let's not water it down and pretend it is just kissing and then fade to black.

Whitley said...

I completely agree with everything that was said. I'm really crossing my fingers they don't hire that frigid beotch to write the script. We need someone who isn't afraid to GO THERE.

Ginger Swan said...

@Whitley, I'm not afraid to "go there". *wink* Oh wait.. you were talking about a SCREENWRITER. Oh, never mind. :)

beesue said...

Hey League!

I fear they will hire her! So I am making a MR Voodoo doll, going to the Buffy "spirit store" and getting all the necessary supplies for a "PG Lifting Spell"! I will be chanting soon " Bring on the Sex, Bring on the Sex in Breaking Dawn!". Hope it Works! Because I also fear this is the only control I will have in the decision!!!!

@Ginger - I am also not "afraid" to go there! Bring on the R rating for us adults (and paying customers)!

@wheaty's girl --gotta have some pillow biting! Luv the biting! Carrying to bed! SEXY Edward a MUST!

@Gallifrey - I think MR thinks this is a Nancy Drew Film or something - Need the Blood - Sex- Newborns burning - Vamp bodies ripping apart! It was ALL in the books!

@sakixry and faith - with Rob - SIZE is everything! If my lifting spell doesn't work - I am all for the guns - IT.HAS.COME.TO.THIS!!

@robin(me) -- hope you are feeling better - but it seems that RobMassage may have "perked" you right up!!!

Ginger Swan said...

@beesue, as I just said in Twitter... YES to Willow Rosenberg, NO to Melissa Rosenberg. Hmmm... maybe that should be our campaign slogan.

beesue said...

@ginger - HAHAHAHA - Just saw that on twitter - Making Up Signs and buttons as we speak - Go Willow!

MystifyMe said...

Ridiculous!! I'm sure my Mother has a hand in this.
She's not(shall we say) on board with my Edward fascination.
Oh so sad.Gone are the days where Snow White could sleep with 7 short bearded men, and no one batted an eye.
And don't get me started on Cinderella*trollop* Met some dude at a fountain, lost her shoe, went to a dance and then married him??
Hmmph..okay the 60's.
It's freakin' 2009.I watched Oprah, and I know what some of these 11 year olds are doing instead of a good-nite kiss(sorry Moms)...I think the PG13 mob WOULD BE UP FOR MORE THAN FADE TO BLACK!!
"Just sayin' :)
ON A SIDE NOTE: before MY BUS CAUGHT ON FIRE TONITE(I kid you NOT), I was watching The Haunted Airman on my DVD player.
I don't think I have ever in my ** years have ever seen a face of such perfection....never...the intensities in his expressions move me to the outer limits(or perhaps The Twilight Zone)lol
I don't know what Breaking Dawn will bring for us(fingers crossed) but no fade to black, grey , chartreuse or any other color.

Spider Monkey said...

You girls are CRAZY, and I LOVE it!


MystifyMe said...

Hang on tight Spidey Monkey! ;)

MystifyMe said...

Good nite....

MystifyMe said...

I can't believe how it must feel inhaling his breath *heavy sigh*

haleygolightly said...

We need to help get some of the amazing FanFic writers in front of whomever is doing the hiring for Summit. Anyone know what agency it is?

They've changed directors 47 times, why not screenwriters? Each of the books has a slightly different feel and I'd like that to be reflected in the writing- not just a cliff's notes of the book.

Miss_Pippa said...

If I dont see some sex scenes there will be blood. On that note, how exactly are they going to give the impression of vampirism without blood/gore???? They gonna use confetti pouring out of a dear? That is not good direction. *That* is a pinyatta.

Not. Freakin. Cool.

Besides, most pre-teens these days listen to Eminem. They probably know more about sex that I do at 23.

Webtress said...

*Snarls and hisses of protest* I agree with Meadow, it isn't A Disney story.

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