Sunday, March 29, 2009

Storytime with Meadow Cliffdiver

As several of our astute readers picked up on, I have a problem. Hello, my name is Meadow, and I read Rob Porn. I mean, um, FanFics. I am no stranger to the world of fanfics but abstained from Twilight ones until recently. I was willing to wait for Stephenie Meyer to finish Midnight Sun before delving into other people's interpretations of her stories. I don't know if you've noticed, though... SM is taking A GAGILLION YEARS to get her bum in gear and write it, and RP IS CRAZY HOT. These two factors led me to the worst possible of fanfics: One that's about Rob and NOT Edward. Ick! The shame! The horror! A fictional story about a REAL PERSON? *hanging head in shame* (It's AMAZINGLY hot.) I'm gonna go read it again while the rest of the league tells you why they're still willing to be my friend.

Fan fiction isn't my thing, but I have no judgment against those who love it. I mean, Meadow, you're a freak.

Meadow! You are still reading Rob-porn? All this time I thought we were friends... great friends, even. You think you know someone and then you find out she doesn't share. Link, please?

And, uh, I thought you gave up your Rob porn addiction. How many days clean were you before you relapsed?

Go easy on her Ginger... it's really all Stephenie Meyer's fault. I mean what do you expect to happen after Isle Esme's literary "fade to black" and then a still incomplete Midnight Sun? Oh, and Rob's hot.

Meadow knows I love her, Rob-porn addiction or not. And yes, Stephenie is partly to blame. Meadow, get yourself some help, woman, but by all means, send Stephenie the bill.

Meadow did send me the link and I read for a bit, it was interesting and so much so that I felt disgusted w/myself and had to stop. But I wouldn't mind if you happened to accidently send the link to me again! :) Perhaps I'm not the resident slut amoung us after all!

Um, yeah, that would be me.

Spider, the fact that I am addicted to RobPorn does not make me a slut! The things that I'd do with/to Rob Pattinson if I ever got him alone, now THAT makes me kinda a slut. I'm really okay with that.

And for those who are curious and want to read a story about Some Guy Named Rob Pattinson Who Just Happens To Have Starred In A Movie Named Twilight In An Alternate Universe And is NOT AT ALL A Real Person, it's called "I Love LA" by mmm_feathers on I think it really IS supposed to be about RP but I tell myself it's not. It's what gets me through to the amazingly detailed sex scenes. You know, if you're into that.

Hmmm.... maybe I should check it out. You know, for research purposes.



Total Fanpires said...

Yay! First comment!!
Wow everyday i think your blog cant get better, and then i am proved wrong! Thanx guys for an amazing blog!!

beesue said...

Meadow, Meadow, Meadow!! If you want, I have the number of FanFics anonymous, times of meetings, various topics discussed and the names of the people that attend and YES - I will be on the list.

I confess - it is 3:30 AM and I am reading RobPorn! I am an addict and I am trying to change maybe tomorrow or the next day - right after I finish ...What did you say?
something about I Luv LA?

I know there are others out there,
join Meadow and I - your sins will be forgiven.

Anonymous said...

Let me just say...I told you so.

And...the author just got news yesterday that her friend in L.A. who the Jen manager character is based on showed it to her friend who...KNOWS ROB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two degrees from Rob hottness... We all know he reads hardcore, well written fan fic and now we can fantasize about which one...break out the smores.

robin(me) said...

two words

I doubt that you are anything but a very nice well bred gal who just has a slight problem when it comes to RP! Hey, take me for instance...
I'm a well bred woman (well next to some), went to school to be a lawyer, got married, have kids, grandkid, I pay my bills (well sorta), I don't kick my dog (b/c he'd eat me if I did) and even I YES YES YES *cough* read rated M robfiction. (is there an x?)

I love LA?...I'll be back

talk about the pot calling the kettle black....just saying *wink*

@to all of you
Robnutmeg and I have this "book" club and we've been reading this stuff for MONTHS! *not hanging my head in shame* Of course, we all do it secret b/c of our husbands but....come on, someone has to review these things so that they'll keep writing. SHEESH! (oh Robnutmeg is divorced but not b/c of Robfic-at least I don't think so.) Robnutmeg will tell you someday why...maybe.

robnutmeg said...

@Meadow and to all of you (and me)
I dedicate part of the following song....
Maybe I'm addicted,
I'm out of control,
but you're (RP) the drug
that keeps me from dying.

Oh and Robin(me),
ur a well bred woman????? Yeah, right!

@beesue! I think I need those meetings. But I'm not willing to give up spankfiction...NO BODY will make me give that up! NO WAY!

HappyHourSue said...

If you only read ONE fanfic ever in your life....

You Must. Read. 'WIDE AWAKE'.

It is so freakin' awesome, well written, smutty, addictive - I like it better than Twilight.

I know. I said it.

We're all waiting on chapter 45 like a frantic legion of heroin addicts.....

I PROMISE you- you will thank me.

Go now. But get your errands etc done first because you will get sucked in. ;)

HappyHourSue said...

not sure why that link didn't work but here: said...

Chores? What chores? There's no one here but me, robporn, PE and uh yeah my.frickin.dreams!

I was gone all day yesterday so sorry I couldn't comment on the wolf pack story. But this won't take long...! said...

i no sent...never said i could spell.

Spider Monkey said...

You girls are very, very dirty!

Two words... LOVE IT!

Leo's Mom said...

I love fanfiction, not just the smut. There are some great stories. They feed my addiction to these characters.

this one is a continuation of the honeymoon (the blacked out part) rated M

this one is Edward's point of view when he breaks up with Bella in New Moon. OMG, I cried like a baby. Rated PG13

robin(me) said...

OH I love love love love love WIDE AWAKE.. I agree with you HAPPYHOURSUE, wheretf is chapter 45? Bring it or lose a limb!

I'm so testy this morning!

Yes, SPIDER MONKEY we are dirty...maybe we need to take a bath w/ RP. u save on water and that sort of thing.
HEY!! That! NOW! (as soon as mr. robin(me) goes to the store, that is..) SMIRK

Hey, wanna get Edward away from Bella FOR GOOD? Is that a YES?

Tell him that you can read Bella's mind and she's got the hots for Mike Newton b/c he's not a 108 yr old virgin! Then jump on his back and say, I'll be your spider monkey! or just plain jump him...whatev! just keeping the creative juices flowing...(or just juices, *shameless harlot*)

robin(me) said...

@Leo's Mom
Oh come smut? Where's the fun in that? You need to come to my "book" club. We meet every Monday morning at 10:00 (right after our woman's bible study) UH j/k about the bible offense!

robnutmeg said...

@Leo's mom
It's ok if you don't like smut, at least someone around here has a clean(er) mind... kinda makes me feel guilty...almost! *sly grin*

LEAVE Leo's mom alone! GEEZ LUEEZE, u ARE testing this morning. I told you that being a bedbug in Rob's bed may be harmful, didn't I? didn't I? MMM????
hey, and I thought our "book" club was a bible study! *baffled* ?

Ok girls, this is off the mark a little bit but...
You wanna get Edward away from Bella for good? is that a YES?
Tell him that you can read Bella's mind and she's got the hots for Mike Newton b/c he's not a 108 yr old virgin!

yes, we are dirty. AND loving it!

robin(me) said...

@robnutmeg! SHEESH!

AND yes NOW i'm very testy! Where's Do I have to go HUNTING for you, Rob?

deconstructing jen said...

Sue's right, you should read Wide Awake. Rob's hotness slides right into the mental picture of that Edward. Yum.

Off to go start "I Love LA"

Ain't no shame in enjoying a little fanfiction.

Meadow Cliffdiver said...

@HappyHourSue @deconstructingjen I'm totally part of the Wide Awake fan club. I check AngstGoddess's LJ right after checking in with the League every morning. I'm currently working my way through some of her recommendations... And getting really tired of getting hooked on unfinished fanfics!! Arrgghh!!

@robin(me) @robnutmeg @beesue @LeosMom There's a difference between lusty fanfics and smut? Because I choose my reads based on smut content.. ;) (Kidding! Although it is a nice bonus... Ask Mr. Meadow)

@songirl Seriously? I can't imagine RP reading a story about him having wild sex. I think I'd be all kinds of embarrassed if someone was writing that stuff about me. I mean, flattered b/c it'd imply I'm some sort of sex goddess, but embarrassed. Now, if he wanted to record himself reading it OUT LOUD I could get on board. ;)

Anonymous said...!
@Meadow - you are brilliant. Oh and so is the rest of the League!!! I'm not playing favorites, promise!

I kinda like lurking about. Checking out Rob/Edward. Most sites are quite boring and then this one comes along and the first thing that comes to your mind is..Now.that's.what.I'm.talking.about!

The rest of you,
um you guys make me crack up. I'm just kinda curious, though. Does Robin(me) and robnutmeg know each other or something b/c damn!

deconstructing Jen, i carry a "mental" picture of Edward 24/'s a lovely and quite dirty picture! He's in my dreams! I don't even care if he's a virgin! I'll be gentle, Edward..promise...*wink*

robnutmeg said...

It isn't really my place to welcome you, but I think the League is busy right now. Uh. reading....I know that's where I've been all morning...reading....
Got another spankfiction for anyone that's interested...Bella gets HERS - (in the 2nd chapter, however, there's been a change as in the part of Bella is now being played by robnutmeg)The 1st chaper is all kstewpid. It's nice to see her get what's coming to her!
Oh here it is:

To answer your question:
I, Robnutmeg, do solemnly swear that I do, in fact, know Robin(me). As in she's my friend, my boss, my hero, and 5 years older than me. *snicker snicker* are another major common ground.
We both are hopelessly and insanely addicted to the LEAGUE!

Anonymous said...

Meadow! You heard me right and the ladies on the Twilighted I Love L.A. forum have decided Rob would appreciate being made a Sex God with mad oral skills. Don't forget he said "feel like it's dirty, feel like it's wrong". He also has a wicked sense of humor...I think he would love the snark and read it in a marathon just like a lot of us have, blushing all the while.

Red cheeks make me think of all that circulation...( crawling away from the lap top, that's enough now, Songirl!)

Anonymous said...

I loved Selfish Behavior! (but was too ashamed *hangs head* to admit it)
Didn't anyone just get totally pissed off at Bella and Jacob in the tent, and the kissing, and the ... just too u know..just too much for me to handle when reading Eclipse. eeekkk. (I had to take a few drinks just to finish the chapter) It's like "Selfish Behavior" just took what I was thinking and put it down in black and white. Only I wouldn't have written the 2nd chapter. That's when I would have been Edward saying, where's tanya? U emmydoll are a genius and thanks! said...

oh that last comment was from me. Uh oops. going away now to read I luv LA. And I don't know..I think Rob is a very.dirty.boy.and.enjoys.this.stuff!
Eat your heart out Jacob! Please?

robin(me) said...

When it comes to Selfish Behavior, one word comes to my mind:

After of course I do some major squirming in my chair. *blush* YES, even I *blush*.! Geez that is a tad bit uncomfortable. Well written to get me to "feel" that.

Ok, I can't seem to get I Luv LA, somebody please help me find it. says it can't be found. If they tell me that ONE MORE TIME so help me!

Valerie(momof3crazykids) said...

Oh man, I haven't seen this one, but have found some others.
Just might have to check it out!

Mystifyme said...

RobSmut is the bedrock of my existence...bwaaa ;)

Leo's Mom said...

I didn't say I didn't like the smut! I said "not just the smut". I like it ALL.

This one "Warmth" is very hot!

beesue said...

@League - thank for the support!

You don't know how tormented I have been - I just don't have the strength to stay away from the fan/fic anymore!
I am losing control - my fingers go numb, as sudddenly it is calling me and up pops a new story! OMG It pulls me in - The Arrangement - Bella, Jasper and Edward - a sex triangle!
I feel myself spiraling - down into the deep blackness! I need the fix - it is my special type of heroin. I am happy, smut and sex induced pleasure. There is no hope for me:} Snicker, snicker!

Ginger Swan said...

Hey ladies (and possibly gentlemen). Just got home from CHURCH, where the rest of you heathens should've been instead of reading Rob porn. (kidding)

You guys want more of Storytime with Meadow? Because she's going to do a series where she reviews a different fanfiction each time. So whenever you come across new Twilight/Rob fanfiction (including Rob porn) pass it along to Meadow! (just click her profile on the sidebar for her email address)

And seriously, thanks for all the love! We have the BEST readers!!!! The League loves you back!

Anonymous said...

oh the allure of the fanfic!! especially this i love la... i read part and then got annoyed and stopped. uc tells me to keep going. we shall see!

Christy said...

Thanks (or not) to HappyHourSue, count me in the fanclub of Wide Awake. I literally check 20 times a day to see if she has updated.

There is another on Twilighted called "Unwanted". Edward and Jacob were successful in killing the baby in order to save Bella. Little did Edward know at the time the baby was human. This story tells the aftermath.

Anything that keeps Rob in my mind is a good thing!

GallifreyReject said...

ok! the lurker from gallifey has found I Love LA! its written by feathers_mmmm!

robin(me) said...

@Ginger Swan
They don't want me at church, anymore. *sad puppy face* So glad that Meadow will share her insights on the wonderful world of robporn..I mean twilight wholesome fanfiction...*halo*

I read "unwanted"! two words: *goose bumps*

@Leo's Mom
I hope you didn't take offense to my "smut" comment.

I.feel.your.pain and I.understand.the.pleasure. It's sick, perverted and unfortunately it's in my blood, also. I'm drawn to it, hopelessly addicted. Kinda like my dog addicted to the neighbors cat. He knows the cat will scratch his eyes out when he gets to close, but he does it anyway! Then it's howling, and whinning all night long!

sakixry said...

Hello hello!
How are all my favorite gals doing? I hope you are all well?!?!?
Thats a very interesting topic... fanfiction? About Edward? Rob? Ahaaaaa... Ok...
Anyone who hasn't, SHOULD REALLY read "Love and Lust" (link here: - very hot! very juicy! I really blushed when I read it! And also "Something wicked this way comes" (link here: This one is hilarious! All human! Has nothing to do with SM's story but is REALLY very good!
I think that we should organize a reading evening. We could invite Rob and ask him to read us some chapters of the most beloved fanfictions... wouldn't that be nice?
@Meadow: I think that we all are kinda sluts if you ask because we all imagine doing things to Robward if we would ever meet him and manage to isolate him...

Johanna (Twilightish) said...

aww shucks you have shared links and everything. Bye!

*runs to favorite all the links*

Christy said...

Has anyone read "When the drs away" or something like that on Twilighted? they are all swappers!!!!!

robnutmeg said...

Hi again ladies

Hey, if you are looking for fanfic that has a little spice but it's quite fun, I recommend The Bet. It's set after BD, so Bella is a vampire. I simply love Emmett in this one. Another character in the movie that seemed to get the shaft a little.

Here's the link:

Oh and news from New Moon vanc. I'm getting really closer to finding out filming locations. Get that winebago ready to go, girls!

Ginger Swan said...

Wait... Bella becomes a VAMPIRE??!!! Awwww, man, @robnutmeg, you just ruined the whole series for me. ;)

robnutmeg said...

@Ginger Swan:
I detect a smidgen of sarcasm there. Fine, fine. I can take a hint. GEEZ. I guess that's a no to the winebago?
I'll just go and kick a dog somewhere. Here Jacob! Come boy!
*hangs head*

Spank Ransom said...

@ Everyone:

I've been out of town for a couple of days -- personal reasons. So I am just getting caught up on all the comments here and you guys seriously make me laugh out loud more than should be allowed. Thank you to everyone who visits and comments, old and new friends alike.

We are going to be great friends! ;)

Ginger Swan said...

@robnutmeg, You totally have a spot in our winnebago! Just let us know when you find out the exact filming locations! Oh, but you can still kick the dog.

AJ said...

I think I love you! All of you!!!

I love me some Rob Porn:) And I'm not ashamed to admit it! Thanks for feeding my addiction!

Cheryl said...

I want to know why it took you so long to tell us about this RobPorn... ;)

milfy goodness said...

I just found this site recently - it is hilarious. and this post about the fanfic was so on the money. I've wasted more hours on Twilighted than I care to admit. I'd go to the 12 step program, but I don't want to give up my addiction!

But the fact that so many of the yummy smutty stories are unfinished is pretty frustrating. Just b/c these authors have real lives & job and all that doesn't mean they should ignore my need to keep reading their crazy sex stories!

toujoursetpourjamais6 said...

Meadow, i must say you are quite the bad influence as i find myself reading these fanfics (a first) too.

Of course i meant that in the sweetest and most encouraging (e.g., "post more links!") way. =D


sakixry said...

Meadow, I have to thank you for "I Love L.A."... it's superb! *wink*