Junior League: NewMoonward

Name: Bella Cullen
Superpower: the ability to self deprecate inordinately and not have Edward ask for a divorce

First of all, I want to thank you ladies for the opportunity to talk about something that has really been weighing on my mind. The League is part of my extended family, and I can't think of a better place to talk about this. I....went to see the new movie based on my relationship with Edward...or "saga," if you will. Morbid curiosity always gets the better of me...obviously. I was prepared to be absolutely devastated all over again, reliving the worst months of my life....October....November....December. What I wasn't prepared for...what nothing in all of my experience could possibly have prepared me for....is what they did to poor Edward's face in "New Moon."

Why, @HolyGod, WHY is he wearing crimson lipstick?? I thought it was bad in the first film, but it was like the makeup department went out of their way to make it look freshly applied in every scene. The more disturbing part? It seems to change with his mood. I like to think of him as "mood ring NewMoonward." In the beginning, the lipstick is nice and red because he's happy(?), and then turns into a more brooding crimson when he needs to leave...me. In a surprising turn, when Edward shows up under the clock tower in Volterra, the lipstick has been removed entirely and replaced with some sort of tan, ashy powder. Does depressed Edward lose all color in his lips? Is this the secret to reading Edward's mind, his feelings, because if so I could have used this tip like six years ago. Or is the makeup department trying to make me punch through the seat in front of me? Because I can actually do that. This was an extremely difficult period in my life, and then I have to sit and watch Edward depicted this way. Do they KNOW he's still around? He didn't die in Volterra. They could have visited us and maybe, I don't know, looked at him! Also, are they clear on the fact that he's a vampire? Truly? Because part of being a vampire is the fact that you NEVER CHANGE! Edward's hair never changes, his skin is always hard and cold, he always looks flawless, yet, somehow..someway..he's a disheveled hot mess with tan lips in Volterra? No amount of brooding can change his appearance--HE'S TRIED!! *shaking my head* Sorry, ladies, I got overemotional. I hope I could set the record straight a bit.

Your friend,
Bella Cullen




If Edward's lips change colors with his mood who wants to place a bet that Jasper is behind ever changing the crimson red lips...?







Think Alice makes Jasper change it so that his lips always match his outfit?







I thought it was because he hadn't eaten lately - like his lips were stained red normally because he drinks blood, and he hadn't eaten much due to his heartbreak. But, then his eyes would have been black... and they weren't. Yet another #fail for Suckmit!

And Bella, could you please tell us if the real Edward's chest is hairy? Or if his nipple is wonky? Because I put those things in the #fail category as well.




Oh yes, Rain! Edward's hairy chest is just one more reason why I'm Team Jacob.







Psst... Rain, quit trying to make sense of the poor makeup choices. These are the same people who approved the aforementioned wonky nipple.