Friday, September 11, 2009

A New Car!

Apparently movie-Edward is going to get a new car for Eclipse. It's an upgrade, to be sure, but there is one tiny problem. IT'S NOT SILVER. Hello - Suckmit? Edward's car is SILVER.

This car is special, just like the Cullens. The Cullens don't like sunlight and neither do their cars. Summit bumped up the budget to make Edward's car a "Transitions" car, you know like Lens Crafters. Self tinting!

You would think a vegetarian who is also socially conscious enough not to prey on endangered animals would at least choose a more eco-friendly vehicle.

Yeah, but can we really expect Edward (who loves to drive cars) to keep driving the same car year after year? And maybe Emmett accidentally bumped into it with his jeep when he was parking and Edward had to get a new one.

Or perhaps Rosalie put sugar in the gas tank of the Volvo to pay him back for making her practically dry hump a tree in Twilight.

Nononono! *clutching my head in my hands* I'm sorry, but I can't support this change. Do I get excited and take pictures of shiny BLACK Volvos when I see them out? NO! It's shiny SILVER Volvo. SILVER. Does Summit do this shit just to F*** with us?

*raises fist* Fight the power!

Thank you, Meadow. Do you think of black when you think of shiny? Nope. You think silver. (Yes you do.) I understand upgrading his car, but let's stick with the basic elements here, shall we?

*nods in agreement* There's no shades of grey here. It's a black and white issue. Or a black and silver one.

Ok, you've got a point. I might possible have one or fifteen shots on my phone that I've taken of shiny silver Volvos around town.

I taught my kids to play I Spy a shiny silver Volvo.

Right - and now are we supposed to get excited when we're following noticing a black Volvo around town?

*deflated look*

Do you think because of Twi-hard-om that Volvo ran out of stupid shiny Volvos? Or did "Volvo" pay Suckmit gobs and gobs of money to pimp a new ride, for sales, of course.

Well, I don't care, they've gone too far with the whoring this time. What's next, Shia LaBeouf replacing Rob Pattinson for Breaking Dawn? You know they'd do it, look at what happened to poor Rachelle Lefevre.

... and Solomon Trimble.

When I think of "black" I think of oil slicks and Jacob. Waaaaait a second! Maybe this is part of their Pro-Jacob scheme! Damnit Summit, what's next? You're going to rewrite Eclipse and end it with Jacob and Bella engaged?

Wait, but is that such a bad thing? I don't think she has to worry about Jacob breaking her, and he certainly won't knock her up with a freak child. Plus, you know... he's all warm and hard in all the right places. *ducking*

I like where you're going with that, Ginger. Maybe it would get Stephenie Meyer off her a** and finish Midnight Sun to revive Edward Cullen.

You two are incorrigible. Here are some acceptable Jacob re-writes:

1. Jacob crashes on his motorcycle. The end.
2. Jacob imprints on Leah, saving us from a ton of "but I love you Bella" angst. The end.
3. Jacob and Bella do it, causing Edward great (deserved) pain. But then Bella dumps him and goes back to Edward. The end.

Laughing... so... hard.... can't... breathe.... *thud*



Jo Patterson said...

Sorry to swear but WTF are Summit serious. Have they completely lost the plot up there own billion dollar arses! Do they expect us to take a BLACK volvo a fake Victoria and bad wigs. Ahhh better now needed that vent.

twilighter_87 said...

lol...nice endings @meadow ;)

but yeah....I do not agree with summit on replacing the silver volvo...or understand why!?!?!

Itsaka said...

Ummm, I know I risk a stoning here, but it's just a car. And not a very good one at that, (I know these things, I watch Top Gear) who cares what colour it is. As long as they don't fuck up any of Jasper's scenes or change the colour of Alice's porche, I'm happy.

They can change Bella's engagement ring, it sounds ugly and from Argos

Deconstructing Jen said...

Dammit Spider. I snorted Diet Dr. Pepper up my nose at your "Transitions" car comment. It's too early for that. ;)

Now Suckmit it about right. WHAT THE HELL???

Ilaria said...

Seriously? What's next Suckmit? I know that a lot of THIS could be avoided if Stephanie Meyer played the card angry bitch. I honestly cannot believe how can you have your "children" abused over and over like this. I hope she wakes up from her "I'm a millionaire" state of trance and do something to avoid crowds of angry twilighters. If they are so keen on changing a "key" thing like the volvo, what ELSE are they gonna change? *shudder*

Ilaria said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SweetLikeSandi said...

Okay 1) are we sure that this is Edward's car? Could it just be a transportation car for the actors?

2) If it is, in fact, Edward's new car, maybe - just maybe - this is an out of focus picture and it's actually covered in tiny CGI dots to be changed into silver during post-production. *crossing fingers* Sparkle Edward effect? Check! Shiny silver volvo conversion? Check!

Rain Storm said...

@SweetLikeSandi - 1. It has the same license plate # as his SILVER volvo in Twilight, so sadly, I think it's true. and 2. Spider came up with that same idea last night! Too funny!

SweetLikeSandi said...

1) What a terrible realization.

2) Awesome. I knew I liked Spider!

Alison said...

Just FYI....that car is also Edward's in New Moon. I saw it in the new trailer last night. There's a shot in the Fork's parking lot where Bella hallucinates Edward getting out of his car and walking toward her....then he and the car vanish. Same car. Sorry if that upsets anyone. :(

Alison said...

Oh....and just another FYI...this is Irishgirlnc.....tweeted ya last night. Sorry to hear about your bunny Ginger. :(