Sunday, June 21, 2009

Twilight Father's Day

No father deserves a nice cool bottle of Vitamin R, with his feet up on the recliner and a good ball game on TV more than Charlie Swan. Not only is he the single dad of a teenage daughter but of one who happens to be in a love triangle with a werewolf and a vampire (not to mention in constant peril). So put your hand in your pants and scratch where it itches. Because today it's all about you, Chief Swan.

I concur. Charlie you totally stole my heart. (in a non-sexual, paternal kinda way) The way you snapped your rifle together when it was time to meet Edward made me want you to be my Daddy. (and not like that, perverts)

I also want to give a shout-out to Billy. You give one of the best stink-eyes I've ever seen. And I've gotta give you props for having raised Jacob and not drowned him as a young pup. Because I don't know that I'd have that kind of restraint.

Yeah, Billy should be sainted. I mean his son is nothing but an animal who eats poor Billy out of house and home, and he has no social graces. I don't know if drowning would work, though -- I'm quite sure he knows how to do the dog-paddle.

Billy? He raised Jacob! Jacob, who manipulated Bella into kissing him and thinking about puppies for goodness sake! No! No shout-out to Billy here. Although, Ginger, I do have to agree with you on the stink-eyes.

But Charlie... ah, Charlie. Not only are you the kind of dad who can make us all want you for our own, but you also rock the 'stache like no other. Major points in my book for a dad who can pull off a mustache so well.

... and you know we love a man in a uniform...

What, Rain... you hold Billy responsible for Jacob's actions? I suppose you blame Jeffrey Dahmer's parents for his actions too. Oh wait. Never mind. You probably should.

H.E.L.L.O. - There are two men in particular that deserve the highest of praise and honor this Father's Day.

Richard Pattinson, may I call you my hero? You and your super sperm saved the day! I wonder what you were doing that night or day when you and Clare became one and created this most beautiful child. We're you out partying with friends? Was it a morning "hide the sausage" kind of moment? Or was it just simply, "hun, do you want to do it" after watching Johnny Carson? Whatever it was really doesn't matter. The fact is that a miracle was created inside the womb of your wife. And for that I thank you, Richard. Thanks for not *pulling out* of your commitment once you started.

There is another man on the flip side of this coin. You may think he's irrelevant, but I do not. His name is Carlisle Cullen. What you did was so difficult, but you had a vision. You were brilliant to recognize this child/man for the honest and beautiful person he would soon become. You knew he would be perfect. And with your fatherly guidance you made your son perfect for the world to cherish eternally.

As I raise my martini glass, I toast to you two men! Cheers!

Dare I mention that Edward is also a father? *duck*

Don't make me... Spank... I'm in a foul mood.

Uh, we'd have to acknowledge his paternity to that freak of nature in order to celebrate Edward as a father? Not sure I can do it.

Oh no Spank... you didn't. The thought of Edward as a father makes me shudder. And not in a good way.



Anonymous said...

I have to say...Charlie Swan is definitely my fave of the Twilight dads. He reminds me so much of my human father...all that time ago.

Duchess said...

That thing... is not Edwards... I love stephanie M... but WTF was she thinking...Anyone know where I can find an alien DNA test

Caitlin said...

*looks around, prepares to duck and run,cringes*

I like the idea as Edward as a father.

*runs for dear life and hides behind robward*

I think Edward was a great dad, and the homey family thing was quite cute. I mean I might have liked the book better if it didn't have their weird half spawn in it, but still, the family thing isn't that bad!
It showed that edward can handle anyhting...

But Rob, thats a different story. He can only handle me ;D

Spank Ransom said...

@Caitlin - I promise you. Your comment made me laugh so hard. Awesome! xoxo

Anonymous said...

@Caitlin...I liked Edward as a father too.

But I liked the whole Renesmee addition to the storyline. It's not often that you see that in novels that are classed as Young Adult Fiction.

Wheaty's Girl Creations hearts twilight! said... drowning jacob..that boy is only getting hotter the older he gets..haha Yeah, Charlie is alot like my dad....that scene..yep..something my dad would do..cause he has threatened my hubby to being good to Then Carlisle...*swoon* whoot!!!!!!!!!! he is even the greatest RL dad...have u seen his pics..nice..and the way he talks about the family...ahhh love a man like that. Got to say..i do love Billy though..he is awesome..he made jacob..remember..soft spot for the guy..*ducks* but still team GO TWI-DADS..U ROCK!!!!!!!! I absolutely love the graphic above...amazing!!!!!!!!!!

caitlin said...


thats what I'm here for! Cheap laughs and Rob sex!

@Lady Hale
I'm so glad someone agrees with me!

Duchess said...

@lady Hale & @ Caitlin

...see Im gonna have to disagree witcha there... I love the idea of Rob as a dad (maybe the mechanics of getting there more than anything)... not Edward. SM used that as the reason for the final showdown with the volturi and to toss the dog a boner.. oops I meant bone... She could have written a different story line and still had her happy ever after...But it seems that the half spawn is here to stay *sigh* HAPPY FATHERS DAY EDWARD!!!!

Spider Monkey said...

@ you all. I very sad, very very sad that you are all so misguided.

:( I'm going to hang in my web today and try not to read any more of this blasted EC father stuff.

Lady R said...

My favorite book in the Saga was Breaking Dawn. I'm a sucker for happy endings and when Bella and Edward had Renesmee, that just seemed like the perfect ending! I love Edward as a father! I've always been Team Renesmee *snickers*, so for SM to make an ending to the story where everyone gets to be happy, that just put the icing on the cake!!

However, Charlie is my favorite dad in the Saga. I love the way he interacts with Bella!

bellaflo said...

Lol, love you guys!
Happy Fathers day to all! fic. daddys and real daddys!
Thanks for giving life to our fav. characters and giving us so much!

and a special Thank you and Happy father's day to Richard Pattz! =)

Rachel said...

I love Chief Swan! He's probably one of my favorite dad's in the series...well accept for Dr. Carlisle Cullen or Billy Black! Dang...they all are great dads!! Oh, I can't forget Edward...I love the idea of Edward as a daddy! Hehe!

Happy Father's Day to all the Daddys out there!!!

showme (hearts Leann) said...

I'm ROFLMAO at Spider's comment on Richard Pattinson...hahahahaha true. so very true. I feel like I should send both of them a thank you note!

btw, this is jittzpattzing on twitter...

MystifyMe said...

Happy Dad's Day to all who have or know one.xoxo

Don't know if you've seen this.Nothing to do with anything, except Buffy and Edward.
Good thing it was Bella and not Buffy.
For once I *heart* her...

MystifyMe said...

My Dad was like Jimmy Stewart. :))

dazzledbyhim said...

Charlie is definitely my favorite Twilight dad although Carlisle is pretty dang good too! And I don't mind Edward as a father either... I'd prefer his not to be, but it didn't ruin the story for me.