Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Surfing in Vancouver

Hey Rob, you mentioned in your latest GQ interview that you peruse Twilight blogs and we notice that we have been getting tons of hits from Vancouver since New Moon started production. Coincidence? I think not... (Our Vancouver readers who are NOT Rob, please don't burst our bubble) So, I want you to know that Spank is extending a personal invitation for you to come visit me after you dump Bella in the woods... you'll have some time on your hands before you need to go to Italy, and I have nothing but time. I promise to have Hot Pockets waiting for you which you can eat... off my belly (which will then lead to dessert).

Glad to see you're reading us, Rob. You probably have noticed by now that Mr. Ginger is pretty good with the photoshop skills. So I'm offering his skills to you if you'd like us to photoshop Bella out of any of the Twilight stock photos, and... say... photoshop in any girl of your choice any of us on The League. Oh, and, we think you're hot.

Ok, The League is cool and all but here is clearly where the gloves come off! My dearest Spunkiness, we could have it all. There are so many qualities that I possess that the other League members do not. Let's just name a few things we could do if we "hung out" together...

Find mulitple items to microwave
Play twister
Smoke like a carton of cigarettes
Eye dance til the room spins (five seconds)
Watch old movies
Play guitar hero
Drink beer/ale all night long
Drip candle wax over each others bodies
Do some bong hits
Blindfold and handcuff and play name that flavor
Jam out to some old jazz

Sleep till noon the next day

Have your peeps call my peeps and we'll make it happen! Don't waste your time with amateurs. I may be small, but I'm a force!

Hey I can play Guitar Hero too. Show-off.

Ahh... Spider, Spider, Spider --- Rob is a man. He doesn't need to spend hours playing games. All he needs a real good Spank.

Wait, what? You mean Rob might actually see some of the things that I've said about him? Okay, I suppose it's time I set the record straight:

Rob, you seem like a very cool and down-to-earth guy. Obviously you've been gifted in the looks department, and I'm sure it can be odd to read all the things that random women are willing to say about you. So let me reassure you that despite what my public persona may be saying for the sake of comedy, I do not actually want to "hit that." (Which is American for "shag.")

P.S. I hear you can't stay away from women who aren't interested in you. Is that true?

P.P.S. I'm AMAZING in bed. Not that you'll ever find out.



~Jamie said...

My guess is that it isn't Rob... it's probably that other actor oh what's her name... you know she plays Bella :)

She's probably scouring the interwebz furious that we seem to have forgotten she was actually IN the movies with him...

kdgrimmer said...

@meadow too funny! I laughed out loud (yes i feel the need to actually spell it out) when you said "hit that" (thats american for "shag")

faith_83 said...

Good morning every one!! If is true I have to say that he is in the right place!! And yeah Meadow that was good lol… and Spank of course he need a good “Spank” as much that he needs some “Faith” in himself.
But really girls you are the best, I can say that I love you as much as I love Rob (but is just not the same kind of love) ;)
And btw I also play the guitar, not the Guitar Hero the classic one, I´ve made a song for you Rob, if you want to hear it, let me know.

sakixry said...

Hey Rob!
Next time you go to visit mother England, you should come visit me cause I just live around the corner! Greece you know! Acropolis, Souvlaki, Syrtaki, Tzatziki, Ouzo... We could all live together in my house (all the League I mean and YOU of course) and you could choose 2-3 members each night (or more) to keep you entertained! Whatcha say? This is an OPEN invitation!

deconstructing jen said...

Hahaha! I love you guys. Everyday you crack me up.

LOL Meadow - I'm with kdgrimmer, I nearly spit my drink out when you explain "hit that". Good stuff.

God, lets hope Rob is reading this, he's getting a hell of a laugh (and ego stroke) everyday. :D

Erin said...

I can't stop laughing this morning...let me try to compose myself before I comment...BAHAHAHA

Okay...I don't know who in Vancouver actually is reading this, but if it is one of the cast...please excuse our comments (somedays) the League has put some spell over us to get us to say these things...

But if this is Rob, you do seem like a really cool guy...I'm sorry that you have to put up with so much crap from everyone and that you're followed everywhere you go. I do enjoy your movies and your music. And just so you know, I have an entire cookbook on Microwaving! :)

LeLe said...

Spank, I love the idea of him eating Hot Pockets off of your belly. LOL.

robnutmeg said...

@Meadow, Meadow
HIT THAT....I must learn to not read while I'm drinking any type of beverage! It becomes "ocean spray" every bloody time!

Dear Rob,
If you are indeed "hitting" the Twilightheaded EXPRESS please hear my plea.

I have a nice condo in Seattle to which we could shoot the breeze or those darn papparazzis....I just want you, Robert Pattinson, to know that you are an amazing actor/musician, I would love to dry hump - uh - meet you and possibly conversate while kickin back a few brewskies. I think that we would really have a lot in common. We both like beer and KAROAKE, I've been known to have problems dressing myself in the morning - so I can totally relate to you....and we both have a blatant disregard for our outward appearance…. but that really just skims the surface. You, Robert Pattinson, are incredibly awkward and a bit socially retarded unless you have a few....well by golly ---so am I!!
A.match.made.in.Heaven! So let me show you the way to the pearly gates while we're still alive and KICKING!
Lots of Love to YA

OCD Sufferer said...

Speaking of reading stuff, I have a bone (hehe, I said bone) to pick with you ladies!! You.will.be.the.death.of.me! I admitted a few days ago, that even though I am usually a "goody girl" I found a few fanfics I really liked: Warmth and Baby Steps. Ok, I kept hearing about I Love LA. I tried on 4 different occassions to start reading it, but it just didn't interest me. Last night I thought, "Maybe I will start with chapter 2, I just can't get into chapter 1"....
27 chapter later @ 4 am this morning I came to the conclusion: You have turned me into a very, very smutty girl! I can't believe I read the whole thing! OMG! I just couldn't quit! I laughed so stinking hard and I love, love, love RP! He is like a humanized, horny, super sexy EDWARD! Of course I feel even more guilt because, unlike the Edward/Bella smut, this is about a real person! That makes me feel so dirty! Did that make me stop? NO! I just wanted more! It didn't help matters...well, SOME matters it did...that I had a very sexy picture of him sitting beside my desk all day! However, I was so upset with my imagination...I couldn't keep his accent in my head! Everytime I turned around he was speaking American!! LOL!
That story is so good! The fact that he is in love with a 33-year-old (I just happen to be 33 years old) made it even so much better! Now, thanks to you ladies (hehe) I not only want an Edward, I want a Robbie! Before I could just say he was so good to look at, but since I didn't "know" him, I didn't want him as much as I just wanted to *do* things to him! haha! Does anyone keep track of that story so much that they know how often she writes the next chapter?
Anyway, thanks a lot ladies! And if Rob is reading this, I just totally embarrassed myself beyond belief...lucky for me I have a secret identity! HA!

robin(me) said...

OMG u are totally hot today, aren't u?

now how did i know u would say that? i think i have powers, too

YOU have gone nuts haven't you? LOL. I'm sorry but I can't help anyone coz I can't help myself. Secret identities are good in this case, I agree.

i thought you were moving here?

uh - i'll get back to you *shaking head violently*

You are totally right about the spell of this blog. It kills me every day! I used to be normal attorney with a family and now I'm hiding pictures of a 22year old hottie in my shower! Rob, if you are reading this - I'm shamefully telling you that your eyes have captivated me....PLEASE stop saying that there's nothing special about you.

oh.for.the.love.of.all.thats.holy said...

The League

You know, I believe it is Rob. He did say he doesn't DO anything! Maybe he meant anyone? OH Rob, I can fix that? AND if it is kstewpid reading this, I'm sure she logged off since she knows now that no one fell for the rumors she spread about rob being stinky & rob having fights with taylor! I'm convinced that was kstewpid and the wolves....NICE try!

I agree with all of you. I can't live w/o this site - it's the light of my day! and that is totally sick, isn't it?

i doubt that you are socially awkward...liar!

i'd love a trip to greece and a place to stay...sounds like ur houseguest (yum) would prove to be quite interesting and right up OH's alley or someplace else in the valley region. *eyebrows twitching*

TwiDW said...

I spent 9 hours reading fanfic yesteday- I don't think my kids ate dinner- but you have to read The List on twilighted.net. It is hot and smutty and Edward is soooo yummy. It gave me some ideas for a list of my own, if Rob ever shows up at my door.

Meghanface said...

If Rob really HAS read anything...

Please send me Taylor. No one else wants him on this site. i'll take him!

that is all.

robnutmeg said...

OH OH OH I read The List. I liked it. Not sure how old that author is but hopefully the author isn't a kid b/c damn! She had ideas that I never thought of and I'm 34! *sheesh*

Yes, as far as I'm concerned, you can have the DAWG! Although I like calling them MAWGS!

Part dog, part man - he's a mawg...and his own best friend!

Meghanface said...


I'll take him anyway i can get him!
who cares if he explodes into a fluffy mess when he gets angry?

Taylor is so unbelievably sexy.. and 17. just my age. =]


I will admit to the League...

I have a soft spot for Rob. =]

He's very yummy. =] <333

Craque L'├ęclair said...

Forget this Guitar Hero nonsense. I play piano. We could "DO" duets. Added bonus...I'm wicked at jazz flute;) I give excellent embouchure?

robin(me) said...

Being in court all day is a drag.....blah blah blah. You are guilty...stop wasting my time!

Hey I didn't feed my hubby or my dog one night but not feeing your kids? Oh dear, that's not good. HEE HEE. The List? I'll have to look that one up, I think. I'm always looking for NEW ideas when Rob comes to visit me. He's coming you know b/c I'm in Seattle and he'll need someone to comfort him after he breaks up with Bellabitch.

You...awkward? Yeah like Princess Grace!

I agree you can have mawg...but Rob is a yummy treat but he doesn't eat doggy treats! Keep your soft spot for the pooch! ;)

Gina said...

Every stinkin one of ya'll are crazy! The Twilight Headed crew and the crazy commmenters too! But I am slightly scared because I so relate! I am sooooo addicted to Rob and Edward fanfic. I am 34 and married with 4 kids and cant stop fantisizing about a young hot actor named Rob who plays amazing piano and guitar. HOT! What is wrong with me???
Did you hear this music..?? http://www.robert-pattinson.co.uk/music/ Listen to the one called I'll Be Your Lover Too. Holy Crap! He sung that to me, in case you were wondering. It isnt great quality recordings, but freaking hot! He is like giggling and talking on it. *swoon*
And are you using the F word alot since reading WA? I cant stop thinking/saying it. "Hmmmm... maybe we will have some fu**ing chicken for dinner tonight." Trying to ask my hubby to cuss me out during sex isnt the same either. whats a girl to do?

Gina said...

Every stinkin one of ya'll are crazy! The Twilight Headed crew and the crazy commmenters too! But I am slightly scared because I so relate! I am sooooo addicted to Rob and Edward fanfic. I am 34 and married with 4 kids and cant stop fantisizing about a young hot actor named Rob who plays amazing piano and guitar. HOT! What is wrong with me???
Did you hear this music..?? http://www.robert-pattinson.co.uk/music/ Listen to the one called I'll Be Your Lover Too. Holy Crap! He sung that to me, in case you were wondering. It isnt great quality recordings, but freaking hot! He is like giggling and talking on it. *swoon*
And are you using the F word alot since reading WA? I cant stop thinking/saying it. "Hmmmm... maybe we will have some fu**ing chicken for dinner tonight." Trying to ask my hubby to cuss me out during sex isnt the same either. whats a girl to do?

OCD Sufferer said...

@ Gina yeah, I can relate, I will be 34 in July, I also have 4 kids (who I think hate me now that I am always too busy reading to talk to them, lol) I feel like such a teenage idiot with some stupid crush on a star! Yeah, I like looking at the goods on TV/movies, etc, but I have never been this "boy crazy" since high school! Geez, it is pathetic! lol
Yeah, I love to hear him sing! There is a 9 minute long video of him singing that I love, but I can't remember what it is called, I will look it up and tell ya later ;)

beesue said...

Good Morning League!
I knew it all along! That is why I always make sure I have make-up on and my hair "done" before I start blogging!

So let me just say, Rob, if you are reading this - well, I am a south Texas girl and "we aims to please!" We could walk along the riverwalk, drink Tecate and listen to the Mariaches.
But please remember, I really don't WANT YOU! Just want to "show" you around - for the HMMM historical value (Alamo and all).
(@ Meadow - do you really think this reverse psychology shit will work? Let you know.)

BunkyJo said...

Every single one of you are certifiable. I have found home. I srsly thought I was the only 35 year old Mom who spent school hours reading your blog and twi fanfic. FYI, on twilighted.net, the original Robfic is "Stranger Than Fiction" - so hot, even with KStew in it(who am I kidding, it was me!) For a good laugh, find out how Jacob tries to convince Bella she will 'stick' to her boyfriend if they have sex in "The Talk". And finally, for those who need some fill-in-the-blanks when BD 'fades to black', read "The Honeymoon". Short but ooohhh so sweet...
Thanks girls, for a little normal, crazy style!

imbeingheldhostage said...

Um, Rob, seriously... if you're reading this AND taking the time to scroll through the comments as well, you see that tube sign on my avatar? I'm just a pub away from you darling. Anytime you want to sneak out of the spotlight...

OCD Sufferer said...

I totally stooped to a whole new level today :( I went to the magazine aisle @ Walmart and totally looked through TEENY BOP MAGS!! I knew I would get some much-needed RP eye candy, & lemme tell you, I sure did ;) I found one that I haven't seen on the internet---TOTALLY HAWT!!!! I had to leave Walmart pretty quickly haahaa

Valerie(momof3crazykids) said...

Ok, I have no words! lol

OCD Sufferer said...

Here is the cover of the mag w/ the sexy pic----LOOK AT THOSE BLUE EYES!!!!!! hommina hommina


Meadow Cliffdiver said...

@everyone who is falling prey to my fanfic addiction - I'd like to say "I'm sorry" but you know, I'm really not. *grin* See ya on Sunday for more recs. ;)

@beesue What reverse psychology? *innocent look*

@robnutmeg *laughing* Did you SERIOUSLY just quote Spaceballs?? Classic!!

sakixry said...

@OCD: Yeah! The secret identity is a plus... but only if you don't wanna meet him actually! Rob! If you want to meet me, just ask my phone nr!

@robin(me): oh robin! I want to move there! but first rob could come visit here. i would then have a reason to kick my bf out *grin* and you would all be invited!

@oh: it's an open invitation! come and bring rob with you!

@meghanface: tisk tisk tisk... you can't have them both you know. stick with the mawg! just be careful when he is exploding you know... you dont want to be scarred for the rest of your life!!!

@craque: tisk tisk... shame on you... wicked at jazz flute...

@Gina: welcome to the wicked psychotic rob-loving company! We do understand you here! You can cry your heart out!

oooohhhh! i H.A.T.E. Greece! Not only we haven't got the dvd yet but i couldn't even find the GQ Magazine!!! *sobs* Robnutmeg, please keep a copy for me!

Mr. Sakixry just came into my room (it is 1 o clock in the morning here) and cought me! Thank God I was on the posting site and he only could see Jamie's pic! *chuckles*

Ginger Swan said...

LOL @robnutmeg, I'm loving the Spaceballs quote!

@Meghanface, the dog is yours. All yours!

To the rest of you who felt like you were the only wife/mothers who felt this way, I'll remind you that every one of us on The League are in our 30's with 2 to 3 kids. You are not alone!!! In fact, you're in GREAT company.

@imbeingheldhostage, I'm expecting you to be our special U.K. consultant when Rob returns to England!

robnutmeg said...

@Ginger & Meadow
Uh yeah the Spaceballs quote...god that movie still cracks me up. i think of the dawg custome john candy/barfolomew wears...oh god wouldn't it just bite if that's what Jacob looks like in "dog" form...*sputter - just choked on my diet pepsi* mahhahaa

You know that you can't have guests when you are moving in with me. What type of host are you anyway?

You.don't.know.the.half.of.it. We're past certifiable, I think.

@oh and robin(me)
I can be just like clumsy Bella if that's what my Robward wants...so there! ;>)

Oh Gina, Gina. First you get hubby to talk dirty and in a velvety voice, then you get him to add a ciggy in his mouth and seductively pose for a picture. Rome wasn't built in a day!

twi'ing2analyze said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ginger Swan said...

@twi'ing2analyze (sorry if I messed up your name) I was just coming over to reply to you but you deleted your comment. :(

Yes The League has and still does welcome you with open arms. Even if you disagree with us. Even if you say you love K. Stewpid and are on Team Jacob, we will still welcome you!!! We love all our readers!

struckbytwilightning said...

@The League and all,
Hello I'm the lurker from yesterday and feeling like I'm finally home....

You guys are definitely crazy! For my story, read yesterday's post under anon.

Let's just say that I didn't like Twilight at first, then it was everywhere and Rob Pattinson who? AND then those eyes of his just spoke to me. as in: come with me I have a very nice flat in London... oh yeah. They really seriously need to put a patent on those eyes...Rob, if ur reading this - consider it, k?

OK so I'm dying here...wtf is fanfiction or dare I ask?

I'm 33, I'm a widow (no not black widow...geez) with triplet teenaged boys 2 dogs, a cat, fish and absolutely NO room for me. So I found a new hobby - ROB. I'm actually ok with my life so don't feel guilty. I have a bf but he doesn't really like Twilight. So I need you guys and srsly love that you are there!

anyway love love love this site and you guys are THE BEST!

You'll get to know me and most likely not like me but until then...

robin(me) said...

Wow we've been busy today, haven't we?

Yeah sure. If you get Rob there, how can he be here?

u are positively going crazy, aren't you? yeah rob does that to a person...

POSE FOR A CIGGY PICTURE? *eyebrows raising* that's it...no more breaks for you!

love ur login, btw. patent? i think i can do that for rob...good idea!!!! he'll just have to show me the "goods" and i'll draw up the paperwork. i'll invite you to be a consultant....NO j/k. That was brilliant, though!

Anonymous said...


IT's ME Twi'ing2analyze - I was in the middle of my post and my computer became evil....I didn't delete anything - my evil computer did. I wasn't even finish with my post it just sent and then it disappeared LIKE that. *snapping fingers* I guess too much Rob made it burn up or something. NOW my login or password is messed up.

Some analyzer I turned out to be.

LOVE YOU GUYS - HOPE I can return as me. I'll keep trying. YOU suck GOOGLE man!

HI Rob!
What we don't do to be able to talk to you! GEEZ I felt like a ran a marathan today. I'm all tuckered now. Perhaps you'd like to come over and relieve my muscles as I relieve your muscles? MMM? whatcha say?

Ginger Swan said...

@Twi'ing2Analyze, I'm glad you didn't delete on purpose. Hopefully google will behave itself from now on.

@struckbytwilightning, (awesome name) We're so glad you de-anonymous'd yourself. We love your story of conversion. I'm sorry your b/f doesn't like Twilight. You're in good company as a bunch of our readers have the same problem. I seem to be the lucky one with Mr. Ginger doing so much for our site.

(by the way, are you guys checking out "Mr. Ginger's Deep Thoughts" on our sidebar? There's a new one every Tuesday night/the same time I update for the new Junior League member. So if you're using a blog reader, don't forget to click on our site sometimes to see the deep thoughts.)

Fanfiction is when fans of the Twilight series want to fill in the blanks, every time Stephenie Meyer fades to black. Some more saucy than others. Sometimes they just want to continue the Cullen story past Breaking Dawn. Meadow started a new series every Sunday where she reviews a different fanfiction. She's our resident fanfiction reader.

sakixry said...

@robnutmeg: hey! we greeks are really good hosts! we can host more than one person at once! I can host you, Rob, the League and all the readers and i would still have time to show Rob ... the sightseings.. hmmm

@robin(me): Rob has grown so much, he can be at more places at once! so he can be there, here, in UK, everywhere! wouldn't that be something?? *looks all crazed up*

Brenda Jean said...

Okay, you gals have said it all. But I'm afraid I have two more messages for Rob:

STOP smoking and get rid of that frickin' stocking hat. I think you might just be perfect then.

There I said it. I feel better now.