Sunday, February 22, 2009

Twilight-Headed Oscars -Mr. Ginger Style

We're altering reality for the night to say that Twilight was nominated for an Oscar. And not only was it nominated, but it was the ONLY movie nominated. And each character is nominated for their roles in the movie. To make this post extra special, we called in Mr. Ginger, as our special Twilight-Headed Oscar Correspondent. He spent months in isolation to come up with these very important categories and to pick the winners.

Hello Twilight-Headed readers! I would like to start by saying any photoshop work where heads are swapped or placed where they're not supposed to be has been done under duress. (Ginger is a real whip cracker) I take pride in all my work that doesn't show up on this website. But seriously folks, we're here for the awards. These awards have been given great thought and consideration. Not by me, of course because I just threw them together. So without further ado, grab a blanket and some ambien and read on...

*Best studdering performance by a lead actress in a hospital bed after a near-fatal encounter with a vampire goes to... Bella

*Sexiest use of a microscope in a scene involving a microscope goes to.... Edward

*Best performance while constipated goes to ... Jasper

*Best use of a bat to hypnotize the audience into forgetting the constipated performance.... Jasper.

*Best performance for having most of his lines cut out of the movie.... Emmett

*Best use of fictitious beer in a movie with vampires... Charlie

*Most skillful use of a kitty meow while sitting on a boat surrounded by vampires... Butt Crack Santa

*Best performance in a scene while his own music was playing in the background... Edward

*Best use of "stink eye" to stare down a vampire while driving a vehicle and being paralyzed... Billy

*Most annoying use of "La Push" in a movie set in the Pacific Northwest... Asian guy

*Best use of wheelchair guy to carry your beer... Charlie

*Best Native American performance by a Non-Native American under the age of 18... Jacob

*Most unnecessary use of cleavage in a scene that didn't call for cleavage... Boob friend

*Best performance by a vampire without a shirt or with slightly opened shirt... James

*Best performance by a short haired African American portraying a dread locked African British vampire who was supposed to be a short haired Frenchman... Laurent

*Best use of a character at the prom that wasn't at the prom in the book... Victoria

*Best performance of "bow chicka wow wow" while shaking butt in restaurant window... Mike Newton

*Best tree limb walking performance by a vampire wearing a wig... Alice

*Best tree rubbing performance by a vampire in a stressful situation... Rosalie

*Best performance by an actress pretending to be a mother to people her same age... Esme

*Best use of white makeup to appear even more pale than everyone else... Carlisle.

Well, now that you've made it through, I hope all your favorites were winners. Come back next year for more award randomness with a New Moon flavor. Thank you and goodnight.


~Jamie said...


Ninja Fanpire said...

WTH It didn't post!

Ninja Fanpire said...

I so JUST clicked the button and then it refreshed the page and yours was there Jamie!

~Jamie said...

*Best use of a bat to hypnotize the audience into forgetting the constipated performance.... Jasper.

hahaha YES! I have watched that scene so so so many times... Seriously, makes me want to play baseball... and I don't really like sports. :)

Lesley said...

oh yes jasper was hot in that scene, especially where he goes "oh i think we can handle that" oh yea!!

bella's stuttering scene was her best acting in that movie

and how can anyone forget "it's la push baby, la push"

Rachel said...

I gotta say "Best performance by a vampire without a shirt or with slightly opened shirt..." for me was Edward not James! Edward's shining moment with his shirt slightly open in the meadow won the Oscar in my book!! Sorry James...maybe next year!

BeCullen said...

I hope Bella can lighten it up in the rest of the movies. She may be a little constipated too. Maybe, we should send her and Jaz some fiber pills. Jasper was pretty hot in the baseball scene, but still doesn't compare to our Edward. ahhh!

Valerie(momof3crazykids) said...

This is making my day!!! Cracking me up!
Ginger, you were right!! Very special treat and I'm loving that you used Mr. Ginger.

Erin said...

More Twilight news! Anna Lynne McCord not in (according to the second link) & a few more tidbits.

Check out these links:

Spank Ransom said...

Best use of raindrops - Edward

Erin said...

I have to admit, I liked Edward best without his shirt...Who can resist the sparkles!

There is a shirt that says it all (it made me giggle!) You can look here to see it (

HappyHourSue said...

That was HILARIOUS!!!!!

Best portrayal of the most beautiful girl on the planet by someone kinda pretty: Rosalie

Best unintentionally comic performance in a Biology class scene: Edward.

imbeingheldhostage said...

Talent and wit, that Mr Ginger is quite a catch!

Anonymous said...

lol Erin...Edward without his shirt was still James...they put James' abs on Robert Pattinson's body for that scene...and it was awful!

And, I'm sorry, but as much as I like Edward...the sparkling thing is just silly. What was Stephenie thinking? And they didn't do it very well in the movie, I don't think. It could have been more...creepy and abnormal. As it was, he was just wearing glitter makeup - probably getting ready to go to a rave. ;)

EternalWaterfall said...

dang it all...anonymous again. LOL that was me.

Ginger Swan said...

@Anon... glitter effect was digitally put in afterwards. They did originally try with makeup and didn't like how it worked in the scene and used a series of different digital effects until they found one they liked.
I personally liked the glitter effect.

Anonymous said...

oh yeah, I'm not saying Robert was literally wearing makeup, I'm just saying that it LOOKED like Edward was wearing rave makeup. ;) In my head, the only way I could justify the whole sparkle thing, while reading the was the super creepy, blinding, inhuman, freakish thing...and in the movie it was just .... what it was. I would have preferred no sparkling..but since sparkling was written...I would have liked to have seen it be really freaky.

EternalWaterfall said...

I freakin' give up. Why can't my computer select NAME instead of ANONYMOUS. ugh.

EternalWaterfall said...

I'm trying to come up with a cute one to add, but I think you pretty much covered it, Mr. Ginger! :)

Although, there should be one about how Ashley was still able to have everyone love Alice...even though Alice isn't anything like the book Alice. What happened to super tiny, pixie Alice with short, spikey hair? lol

Shana said...

ROFL That's awesome. Mr Ginger rocks! There's a few I've thought of...

Best suppression of an English accent: Edward!

Best use of "spider monkey:" Edward

Best loving comment using the word monkey: Rosalie


Melanie G. Allen said...

Thank you! I really needed a good laugh. That was SO funny!

twilight411 aka Liz said...

omg i DIED laughing when i read this. There are tears in my eyes.

Twilight411 aka Liz said...

btw, agreed about the Rosalie award, that has always bugged me i just needed someone else to say it too.


twilight411 aka Liz said...

oh shoot, that last was meant for Sue.

Nicole Wilson said...

hilarious. that was a great post.

Brenda Jean said...

I'm going to kill Blogger-- let me type my witty comment again. I took my husband to see Twilight last weekend (he was trying to score Anniverary points.) and he laughed outloud when Carlisle came on to the screen in the hospital. Who the heck did his make-up? The hair in general, other than Edwards and Charlies sucked. Where the heck did they get the hair person, Walmart? Seriously, it was terrible!

Mr. Ginger is awesome by the way:)