Monday, August 31, 2009

Meadow and The Vamp

So we thought we should mention that Meadow retired from the League, not from life. She she exists! In fact, she's going to be popping in from time to time to comment and do some Storytime With Meadow Segments.

Yeah, Spank, Spider, Rain and I are like the "AEIOU" of The League and Meadow is now the "Sometimes Y". Meadow is like the Barbara Walters of The View. You never know when she's gonna show up.

Meadow's also writing a fan-fic which The League will review. I just think that Meadow needs to try to spend more time writing it and less experimenting her moves in the bedroom with nightstand Edward (I hope to have one someday)...

Wait, Meadow has a Night Stand Edward?

Actually I don't think so. Pretty sure only one person I know does.

*snicker* One very happy person.

Man, I didn't need to picture ANY of you sitting on Nightstand Edward.

If I had it I'd sit AND rotate.

Whatever. I have a Nightstand Eric. *evil grin*

*Cue Spider to get on the internet and search for Nightstand Eric*

*dazed eyes that cannot blink* I NEVER thought of Nightstand Eric Northman. What better excuse to upgrade the size model?! Hmmmm...

*snicker* Yes, I'd be willing to bet that Vampire Eric would *ahem* outrank Edward. Especially since a Nightstand model can't get points for being dark and brooding.


Oooh... Too much for ya?? If you can't take the heat then stay out of the sexual-innuendo kitchen! *grin*

Filthy girl! You're ovulating aren't you!?

You have just said the ONE thing that would turn me off. I shudder to think of having any more kids. Even Edward's or Eric's. *grin* But I don't NEED to be ovulating to be horny thinking about them. **wanders off to look at** (Don't pretend you don't know what it is.)

*innocent eyes* Isn't that the story in the first book of Bible? *sly grin*

Also, since Ginger is so *ahem* pure, do we need to all pitch in to send her a gift certificate for one? We all know she has the Edward Glitter Powder. I can only imagine how THAT'D come in handy...

A-hem. Standing right here!

Oh Meadow - actually, it sparkles all on it's own! But only in the sunlight. But seriously, who will be using this thing in the light of day?

Look at this: "Yes the The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience." *clicks purchase* And I will name him Jasper and I will hug him and squeeze him and pet him and pat him and ....

Where's the handle? Don't you need a handle? What if it get's stuck? How the heck do you hold it?

Oh I don't think she can handle that.

*biting my tongue to keep from making snide comments* Okay, it didn't work. Did you LOOK at it? What, you think it'll get LOST?

As to the "glitters in the sun" part, well, I think it's safe to say that backyards across America are not going to be safe for Meter Readers for a while...

Am I the only one who thinks Eric is being left out of this? I mean, what, do they have dildos with viking hat accessories too?

*imagining The Vamp with a tiny viking hat*


Ok, so does the whole "sparkle" thing matter if it's going where the sun don't shine? Also, yes, I still want to know how you hold the f*cking thing. There should be a handle coming out of the side so the user (if they don't have long arms) can use it without strain. Like a four inch rubbery bar on the right side. The good thing is, it is also useful for the left-handed client. As it can be turned around and such to suit the left handed person(s).

Maybe it comes with an instructional video. I hope so, in your case.

This would be prudent on the part of the manufacturer. Not even a video is needed, but at least a blue and white "instruction" packet like you get in the Tampax box with pencil illustrated drawings showing the vaginal opening.

You just have to sit on it, Spider. I mean, I heard that somewhere.

I'm pretty sure that they come like they do so that you can, *ahem*, strap it down. Or on. Whatever. I'd like to see Mr. G photoshop a viking hat on that Effer. *giggling*

I think Mr. Ginger draws the line at photoshopping male genitalia, even if it's artificial and sparkly.

So, you sit on it and then it falls over, right. what holds it in place? Is something wrong with me? I think this calls for a conference call before I end up in the ER with a lodged sparkling dildo!

Hmm, do you think we can get the site to send us "preview copies?" You know, for journalistic research?



Nikki Maree said...

Welcome back Meadow! I cannot wait for more fanfic links...I've gone through all of the ones that you left behind for us. *happy glowing feeling*

stephdc said...

omg you ladies are cracking me up. Can't believe you all actually found a sparkly dildo..

Like I said before Meadow, glad to see you've put your cape back on.. Can't wait until your next Storytime.. I've been needing some good ff recs.

Lori said...

A. Lovely to hear from you again Meadow.

B. The Vamp Sparkly dildo just goes to show who the target market of the Twilight Series is.

C. Can't talk, must go shopping...

Twisuz said...

OMG, I almost choked on my breakfast, lmao!!!!

Susan said...

I might need one. Though I've known about them

Meadow Cliffdiver said...

*grinning* Thanks for the warm welcome back y'all. Don't worry, I've been boning up on my FF reading to make sure you'll get the best rec's from me. And yes, I added that sentence JUST so I could say "boning." Retirement was soooo boring. ;)

SweetLikeSandi said...

Next up in the line of Twilight sex toys:

Jacob Black, large and in charge with warming lube.

Twilightish said...

ROTFL omg I haven't laughed this hard in such a while. Welcome back Meadow and I am really looking forward to more Storytime with Meadow fic recommendations.

Diane said...

I think that may have been the funniest post the League has ever down. Good one for Meadow's return =)

I died on the Viking hat part LMAO!

Miss_Pippa said...

Darlings, that thing on the bottom is a sucker. You dampen it and then stick it to a...ahem...*hard* surface. In England, we have Ann Summers parties, where a hostess visits a group of ladies for a girlie night in, selling lingerie and sex toys. I used to work as a hostess. A lot of dildoes have suckers on the bottom. :) That clears up the concern bout the handle too...

Rain Storm said...

League! Miss_Pippa brings up an excellent idea! Can you just imagine the 5 of us at a sex toy party. I think we would all pass out from laughter.

Spider Monkey said...

I'd pass out from emptying my checking account!!! :0

ciaobella said...

WELCOME BACK MEADOW!!! I am so looking forward to more story time with Meadow!
And this question is for miss pippa... what happens if the sucker doesnt stick anymore??? And since u used to be a hostess what happens if it gets stuck, do they tell what to do next???

Miss_Pippa said...

You can pull it out by the sucker, lol. Honestly, they're actually designed for women so they're pretty foolproof. However, at the parties no one is actually allowed to try the 'plastics'. You actually try them out on the end of your nose...its the most sensitive part of your body except 'that'. If your nose runs, or you're on to a winner :) I always find it mad how americans have never heard of ann summers. We have an AS shop in every mall!!

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