Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Junior League: Mr. Sparklepants

This week's Junior League member is Haley.
Superhero name: Haleygolightly

Last week, which will be referred to as The Night I Became a Woman from here forth, I met Mr. Sparklepants himself. Anyway I went to a place that he's been a couple times and there he was, in all his glory, sitting with some dude who I presume was his manager. His face was lit by candle light that gave him a distinct halo-effect. He wore his signature beanie, checkered jacket, and brought along his leather jacket. I tried to send him drinks but the place is super strict. Anyway... I thought you should know the obsession is 100% justified. He is breath-taking!!!! I can barely concentrate on anything since.

Can I be your friend? Seriously. Because you and Rob were breathing the same air at the same time that night. And if I'm your friend and we're in the same room, you and I will be breathing the same air. Which means Rob and I will be breathing the same air, once removed. In fact, I've cleared my entire schedule so we can spend all day tomorrow breathing each other's air. I didn't just scare you off did I? Because I'm really very normal. (Other than the fact that I have a Twilight Superhero blog with my three closest friends and spend my day hiding behind my superhero alias.) Other than that, COMPLETELY NORMAL. You have nothing to be afraid of. Soooo... I'll pick you up tomorrow, k?

OME! You were thisclose to being famous, since this night (if I've done my calculations correctly) made it into the gossip sites. And, *giggling-like-the-15-year-old-schoolgirl-he-turns-all-of-us-into* Mr. Sparklepants? BRILLIANT! I'm going to refer to him as that whenever I speak to him from now on. You know, in my head. Because my entire life is narrated by conversations between the two of us.


Me: Hey, Mr. Sparklepants, you TOTALLY should've approached that hot chick the other night who wanted to send you a drink.

Him: I know! What was I thinking. I was distracted by all the champagne I was drinking.

Me: Well, I bet she would've driven you home. And you would've had more fun than at your "friends" house. I mean, those pics of you wasted in the backseat were kinda sad.

Him: Sod off.

Me: So, you gonna change the baby's diaper or do I have to get off of the computer and get him?

**imaginary RPatz dissappears**

Me: Damn imaginary 22 year olds.

Mr. Sparklepants is the perfect name for him, but I bet what's under those pants is much better than anything that glitters. You should be ashamed of yourself and I cannot believe you're admitting to such a heinous crime as to "leave him alone." Had I been in your shoes, let's just say I'd pretend I was choking or something and throw myself at his feet hoping for "mouth to mouth!" And finally, I'm so jealous it's not even funny!

Wow, I'm in awe that you were in the presence of greatness and I know it is hard to think through such a situation but if I can make one suggestion for the future (and may there be such a future for all of us): Next time take your cue from the legendary Miles who said, "Every now and then say, "What the f*ck." "What the f*ck" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future." Haley, the future (and Mr. Sparklepants) is yours for the taking -- make your move and beg forgiveness later (but by then he'll be thanking you).

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Ninja Fanpire said...


Ninja Fanpire said...

Of course he would wear his beanie.

You should have walked over and given him the drink yourself!

Total Fanpires said...

breathing the same air? wow!
thats hilarious.
His leather jacket and signature beanie? typical allwell he is unbelievely good-looking!

Total Fanpires said...

breathing the same air? wow!
thats hilarious.
His leather jacket and signature beanie? typical allwell he is unbelievely good-looking!

Twilight Newborn said...

That's it. I'm opening a bar that specializes in selling pints in flannel-patterned glasses and serving snacks in beanie bowls. With an open mic night.

Mr. Sparklepants won't be able to resist that. Or me.

imbeingheldhostage said...

I live in the same flippin' country as Mr Sparkle pants and whose air am I breathing?! My own coughing cloud and four experienced farters.

Valerie(momof3crazykids) said...

You go TN, and I will come hang out at your bar too, even though I don't drink!
Haley, love the Mr. Sparklepants!

Erin said...

How about we all just split up...Half of us open a bar in LA the other half open one in London?

Oh yeah...and someone buys a plane and learns how to fly so we can spend all of our time taking care of Mr. Sparklepants!

Valarie Lea said...

You are sooooooo Lucky!!!!

Anonymous said...

you had me at "His face was lit by candle light that gave him a distinct halo-effect."

you also suck


katarinas mama said...

I"m still recovering from yesterday's Deleted LEG HITCH kiss scene...OMG, the LEG HITCH. *stops to resume normal breath pattern*.

Okay, Leaving Him Alone. Probably a Good Idea *ducks*. I totally would've tried to send him a drink but to talk to him with his Manager around. Yeah - No. Sadly, I,too, would have left without getting a chance to view the Sparkle in His Pants.

And @meadow, I have the same convos with him all day, too. Perhaps he can take the girls to Make Up Swim Lessons. Ooops, he disappeared after hearing the word "make up". Don't blame him entirely for that one.

Shana said...

Ah...I am purely envious at this point. Why do I have to live in a city no one wants to visit? Oh to live in LA...LOL (okay, maybe I wouldn't want to...but visiting on a regular basis...sure)

As for the air breathing...does it count that I've been to LAX and he's been there too? Of course I was at LAX before he probably ever stepped foot there...but he was breathing my air, right? Just go with my delusions.

I love that you tried to send him a drink. I know I would probably not think of that. Good ice-breaker if they weren't so strict. But I'd probably be a bumbling idiot that tripped on my way over to talk to him and landed face first in the plate of whatever food he had ordered...

Maybe it's a good thing I've never been close. LOL

Johanna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Johanna said...

Wow, what I wouldn't give to have been you at that moment. You were that close and didn't make a move???!!!

@Twilight Newborn, love your bar idea. Need a business partner? Hey we could steal Haley's name for Rob and call the place "Mr. Sparklepants" ;-)

Leo's Mom said...

Congratulations, I am happy for you. I am happy that you didn’t make a total fool out of yourself, as I would have. It scares me to think about running into him. I have never been obsessed like this about anyone. I know that I would not be able to sit in a room with him and not completely lose it.
Thank you guys on the blog for being here, you are the only ones who understand.

haleygolightly said...

I actually did make a move! Talked to him as he was leaving. Somehow I was able to keep it together. Good times!

Spank Ransom said...

@ haleygolightly... um, You holding out on The League? Details... please... we can do a series of his inflection, smile (was it a half smile like when he says "I can always make you"?). Um, did you get 3rd degree burns from the closeness? You cannot give half measures my friend...

Stacie said...

Woah - wait - You Spoke To Him??? Oh, now I'm even more jealous than before! We do need details!

haleygolightly said...

HA! Ok sorry I told you I wanted to write it up better!

So here's the end of the story...

I saw Rob stand and grab his leather jacket which meant only one thing: I had about 5 seconds to figure out how I was going to talk to him. My friend was no help- might I add, she just said... "You could use some lip gloss but have no time!!"

As Rob and his older male industry dude partner walked past, I said "Hey excuse me, guys?" They both looked at me with complete apprehension. I rose from my seat and walked up to the two of them. I made it a point to look at the other guy while talking as to not lose consciousness.

In as casual a voice as I could muster, I said, "Hey guys- we just tried to buy you a round but they don't allow that. We still want to buy you a drink though..."

Older industry dude said, "Oh that's really sweet... I have to get home."

I looked at Rob... he looked at me... Mind you, he was angled in such a way that he was definitely brooding at me -GASP- and after what can only be described as a total moment of hesitation, Rob said, "Yeah... I have to... leave"

"Ok cool well... I tried!" I said, trying not to cry and/or throw up- whichever came first.

THEN- and this is my favorite part- he laughs that booming laugh and says, "Well YOU FAILED!!!" and proceeded to walk out of my life.

My friend and I consistently say that to each other in our best British accent, though nothing can even come close to the real thing. I'm telling you ladies, the obsession is 100% justified.

TLC said...

@haley: now THAT is a great story! love it!

and, i think i will forever refer to him as Mr. Sparklepants :)

Johanna said...

umm, and you kept these juicy details out of your first post...why? Girl, I would be belting it out at the top of my lungs!!!

OMG, I bet you didn't sleep that night after such an event.

Anonymous said...


Oh Haley will you be my BFF?

I think I just had a "Robgasm". When you described the moment of hesitation...He does that so WELL!!!! ! Like in the Kiss scene.. It tells me he is patient, and passionate and in control....(sorry, have to change unmentionables)

Oh, and I have corresponded with a new friend who met him in a pub in London and talked to him alone for 15 minutes!!! and (the best part) he told her she had the most "beautiful, deepest brown eyes"! Gah! Needless to say it has given her a reason to live and I love that he noticed that. I tried to convince her that in " Mr. Sparklepants" shy world that constitutes flirting!

Back to you Haley, I'm with Spank on this one... No Detail is too small. I have questions;
1) How did he smell?
2) Did you see the Bermuda Triangle? Did it have dimension? Based on your eyeballing the all important and proportional Thumbs what is your approximate guestimate of the measurement of the prize? I want mine in metric.
Thanks BFF, Come on over later so we can brush each other's hair and swap Robisms.

Brenda Jean said...

Well, are SO bold haleygolightly. Good for you to not throw up on his shoes or rip your shirt off. You kept it classy:) I am proud of you!

haleygolightly said...

Thanks everyone, I was quite proud of myself for somewhat keeping it together. Though I wish I had taken the plunge and just smelled him. Even if I got thrown out at least then I'd know.

When the waitress came up to ask for my drink order and I couldn't even talk to her, I was seriously mesmerized. I was sitting close enough to him that I could hear his laughter, making my heart pound loudly enough that I was thankful he is not actually his alter-ego who would have never been able to resist the amount of blood that was pumping through my veins!!

@songirl- your friend is WAY lucky. Any form of encouragement from him and I'd be down for the count.

Jamaican Princess said...

wow u are one lucky gurl!! I would have found a way to drug him, bring him home and keep him in my basement...forever ^^

Erin said...

Props to not freaking out!

I'm totally jealous though :)!

Stacie said...

Ah - he is funny too! Sexy, funny, brooding, sexy. Sigh.

Twilight Newborn said...

wow, haleygolightly! you really did do us fan girls (ahem...women...proud) by not freaking out! Most impressive. I'm not sure I could do it.

Maybe they need to put a sticker on Rob, "Warning: Mr. Sparklepants may cause seizures"